Lessons I've Learned... long post!

So I'm back! Its good to be home. I love to see family and friends, but there is nothing like your own bed! And of course my cats!

While I was away this past week at the Rural Ministries Summit I did a lot of thinking about this whole infertility issue. I have realised that I have never gone to the Bible for the answer. And as I sat in the conference, pretending to listen (shh... don't tell!) I thought to myself "If you want answers why don't you go to the one place that can give them to you." So I did. There isn't a whole lot of passages in the Bible that deal with infertility, but I did find a few that I found to be very comforting. Let me share them with you.

1. "Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. And because the Lord had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. Elkanah her husband would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don't you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"

"Once when they had finished eating and drinking in Shiloh, Hannah stood up. Now Eli the priest was sitting on a chair by the door post of the Lord's temple. In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord. And she made a vow, saying, "O Lord Almighty, If you will only look upon your servants misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the Lord for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head."

As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, "How long will you keep on getting drunk? Get rid of your wine."

"Not so, my lord," Hannah replied, "I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief."

Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him." She said, "May your servant find favor in your eyes." Then she went her way and ate something, and her face was no longer downcast.

Early the next morning they arose and worshiped before the LORD and then went back to their home at Ramah. Elkanah lay with Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, "Because I asked the LORD for him."

Do you see what Hannah went through? Years of not having children, having to be tormented by a society that looked upon "barren" women like they were diseased. And what did she do? She prayed! And not just a "Please dear Lord, please give me a child"... NO! She prayed with everything inside of her. She "wept much" and poured out her soul to the Lord. And then she goes home believing that God will answer. And He does!! I don't think I have prayed like that, and I don't think I have had faith like that.

2. "Praise the LORD. Praise, O servants of the LORD, praise the name of the LORD. Let the name of the LORD be praised, both now and forevermore.

From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised. The LORD is exalted over all the nations, his glory above the heavens. Who is like the LORD our God, the One who sits enthroned on high, who stoops down to look on the heavens and the earth?

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; he seats them with princes, with the princes of their people.

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD."

Wouldn't that be considered a promise from the Bible? That if we praise him, truly praise him (which is key) he will provide Children to those who long for them?

3. "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

This is why I am going through all of this. So that I can pass along comfort to those who are going through similar situations. If we know the comfort of Christ, we can pass along that comfort to others. If I can help just one person in this world get through the difficulty of infertility, if I can use my story to bring the love of Christ to someone, then all of this is worth it.

4. This week there was also a song that came up twice, once at Steve and Christina's church in Ottawa, and the second at the conference. The words are below.

1.He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,

He sendeth more strength as our labors increase,

To added afflictions he addeth his mercy,

To multiplied trials he multiplies peace.

2.When we have exhausted our store of endurance,

When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,

When we reach the end of our hoarded resources

Our Father's full giving is only begun.

3.His love has no limits, his grace has no measure,

His power no boundary known unto men;

For out of his infinite riches in Jesus

He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

Annie Johnson Flint (1866-1932)

Isn't that amazing? I really feel like that song was written just for me. It brought such comfort this past week. Especially on Sunday. I had just found out that I wasn't pregnant, and all through church I felt like I would just break down at any moment and cry, and then this song was announced....Wow! I still felt like crying, but not because I was broken hearted, but because I felt Gods hand upon me.

I know this post is super long, but you have no idea how much all of this has helped me. God has a plan for Jeff and I and whatever that path may be for us I am willing to follow him... whatever the cost. I will continue to pray for a baby, but I will leave it up to Him. I know that I will struggle and I will falter, but I also know where I can find strength. Praise the Lord!

Hey all

Hi everyone, No I am not back home but I realised today that there is wireless Internet here at Jackson's point! So I thought I had left you all hanging long enough and should clue you in on what has been going on.

I am not pregnant. This past Sunday AF showed up. It was very difficult for Jeff and I. We REALLY thought that this was the month. I felt different, had symptoms and really just felt like God had said this would be it... but it wasn't to be. So needless to say we were both very shocked and felt a little confused. But we know that God is in control and whenever it happens it will be the best time for us.

I've been thinking about Gods timing a lot lately. And after talking with a friend, who also went through infertility, about giving everything to God I've realised that I have to follow his will, not mine. This isn't new thoughts, but just a reminder. I think sometimes we need to be reminded of Gods promise that he has everything in control. I know that someday I will get pregnant but until then I need to continue to put God first.

Enough about that for a minute! We have had a wonderful time here in Ontario so far. We arrived at Jeff's parents last Tuesday and stayed with them until Thursday. Then we went to see a friend of mine in Barrie and stayed with her until Friday morning. Then we drove 5 hours to Ottawa to spend the weekend with my brother and his family and my Mom and Dad. On Monday we drove another 5 hours to Jackson's Point where Jeff dropped me off. I hate that he's not here with me! Jeff flew home last night and I will be flying home on Friday. I can't wait to get home. Its not bad here at Jackson's, but home is always nicer!

So that's about it. Please pray that Jeff and I will be able to let God lead us as we go through this journey. I always want to make it about me and what I want. I need to be able to give it over to God.

Thanks for all your prayers this month, don't give up on us!

Shannon

I WANT TO SLEEP!

It is past 1:30 am here and I'm still up! Actually I took a 2 hour nap at 10:00. We are getting ready to go to Ontario. Our flight leaves at 7:00am so we have to leave here at about 4:30. I'm just getting the house cleaned up and packing. I hate morning flights! If I were less of a procrastinator it wouldn't be so bad!

I really hope that this week will go fast and that I will be able to keep "babies" off my mine. That is all I think about. I would be implanting right about now, so please pray that there is a fertilised egg and that it sticks! That's what I've been praying all day every day. Jeff and I will be so disappointed this month if AF comes. Its tough every month, but this month it will be worse.

Anyways, not sure when I will post again. If I get a BFP I will let you all know ASAP! Keep praying!

Shannon

I'm going crazy!

Do you know what the worst thing is about TTC? The last few days of your cycle when you think "everything" is a "sign of pregnancy". Every little twitch I feel, every time I feel queasy, every time I go to the bathroom I think "am I pregnant?". Anything and everything has to do with having a baby. I mean it could literally drive you to the nutty house!

I either need to get a BFP (Big Fat Positive) or my AF (Period) soon or I will go nuts!

Here's hoping for the BFP!

Shannon

Tylenol Please

Okay, so I went to laser tag last night.... and oh my goodness am I ever sore!! I feel like I spent hours at the gym! I can't breath without it hurting! I've never been to laser tag before, but it was awesome. We brought our youth group and they are energetic kids. It was difficult keeping up with them. If you have never gone before, do so! It was so fun and it only cost 12 dollars per person for two games. I definitely recommend it!

As for other news.... nothing much to report. We are heading out to Ontario on Tuesday. I can't wait for that. Mom and Dad are trying to get out of work so that they can make their flight to Ottawa next Friday. The company is being a jerk. Their hoping that Monday they can get out. Which means they wouldn't get here until Tuesday which means we will be gone. So we will see them in Ottawa on the weekend.

As for baby news, nothing to report yet, other then that I'm still in the running so it's looking good! But who knows. I try not to get my hopes up. I realised these past few days that there is always something to worry about. Right now it's getting pregnant, then it's miscarrying, then it's still birth, then it's crib death, then it's falling off the playground set, then it's getting into a car accident... and the list goes on. How do you parents do it!! Is there always something to worry about? I know we aren't suppose to worry, and I don't think we should let it consume our lives, but you have to at least think of it every once in a while, right?

Should go... plenty of work to do! Talk to you later!

Shannon

HAPPY B-DAY KEEGAN!

It's my "nephews" b-day today!! (okay, not real nephew, my cousins child, but were like sisters!) He's 4... WOW! I hope you have a good one Keegan!

Love from,

Auntie Shannon

Busy, Busy!

I am so busy!! I apologise for how sparse my posting has been lately. And it won't get much better this month! As of next Tuesday we are heading out to Ontario, and I doubt I will have time to post while I am there. This week I am trying to get everything done before we head off. There is so much to do and so little time! But its all good. I'm not too stressed.

So anyways, thought I should just let you all know why this blog will lack for a while. I have to get back to work! Have a good day!

Shannon

I'm Ovulating!!

I think today is the day! I won't go into detail about how I know... for the sake of the those who really don't want to read about that, but I will say that all the signs are there! Which is great! Except for one thing. Ovulating this late in my cycle can mean that I have a problem with luteal phase. This is the time after you ovulate. You need at least 10 days after ovulation for the egg to attach. If my body decides before those 10 days that I'm not pregnant, even if there is a fertilised egg, I will get my period and then its all over. As you can see from the ticker on the side, I only have 8 days till my "expected" period, so I am really hoping that my body will realise that I ovulated late and not want to bring on menstruation. I Really hope that "she" doesn't show up at all and that I'm pregnant!

Not much else is happening today. A friend of ours is coming to stay for the night, so that's exciting. We love to have people stay at the house! We get really bored being by ourselves sometimes. It's nice to have company!

If anything else exciting happens today I will let you know. Talk to you all later!

Shannon

Baby got Fluff!

Okay, you all have to go to http://www.kissaluvs.com/contest/contest-entries.html and check out my friends video. Click on "baby got fluff". It is so adorable! You can't vote yet, but keep checking back everyday and start voting for her. You can read the contest rules and prizes on the website.

Good luck Allison!

Shannon

Yet another beautiful day!

So it is again a beautiful day outside. Its a little windy, but it is still nice to breath the fresh spring air. I fear it is only a tease though. Just a Chinook coming through to make us put away our winter gear. Then one morning we shall wake up to a foot of snow on the ground.

Jeff and I have started walking everyday now, and it's been really nice. I have just been gaining more and more and it is driving me nuts. I keep thinking that if I continue on this path I will be so overweight that I won't be able to motivate myself at all. So Jeff and I have started to change a few things. The two main ones at this point is walking everyday and eating at the table. Sounds funny I know, but I think some of our problems is that we eat everything in front of the T.V. What happens then is that you eat too much and you don't get up afterwards. I end up staying down there watching TV all night. Not good. So we've decided that slow little changes is the best way to not get discouraged.

As for baby making progress, I still can't tell if I have ovulated or not. This clomid has really changed my cycle. I haven't been getting the tell-tell signs that I normally get. Maybe I just haven't ovulated yet... but it is a little late. Who knows.

Well, I'll write more tomorrow!

Shannon

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighbourhood...

What a gorgeous day we have here! Its 14 degrees outside! All the snow is melting, the streams are running down the side of the road... I love it! I can't wait for spring. I think spring is my favorite time of the year.

I always wanted to have a baby in the spring. I thought April or May would be great times to have a baby. New life is beginning all around you. There is a certain smell in the air that is just unbeatable. You can bring your baby outside without bundling it up in a snow suit, you can go for walks. Its just the best time to have a baby.

But, if I get pregnant this month there will be no spring baby. Instead there will be a Christmas baby... which sucks. I think of all the months of the year, December is the worst. Especially as officers. But I can't complain, because December would work well for Mom and Dad. It would be horrible to have the baby while they are away at work.

Either way, I don't care when I have a baby... as long as I have one!! That's all that matter!

Shannon

How to tell your hubby...

I don't have much to write about today. It's been a strange day for me. This morning I was really busy, this afternoon I was really NOT busy, and tonight I am REALLY busy! I guess that's life. It did give me time to prepare a delicious meal for supper though. We had marinated steaks, with roasted potatoes and asparagus. YUM!

Anyways, I was just wondering.... how did all you moms tell your hubby's that you were pregnant? Did you surprise them? Did you find out together? The reason I ask is that I day-dream A LOT and I always wonder how I will let Jeff know. I have an idea that I have had from the beginning, but I was just wondering if there were any others out there? Leave me a comment with your story or idea.

Shannon

Home Again

Hi everyone! Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I hate doing that to you ( I know what its like to check a blog everyday only to be disappointed!) but we have been very busy this weekend.

Yesterday we went to see our friends in Drumheller. They had a baby 4 weeks ago and we finally got to see him. He was such a cutie! We had a great time there (I have a great time whenever there is a baby involved!). We went out for supper and played Catan (Its a great board game... very addictive). Then we headed home at 11:00pm. It takes 2 hours to get back to High River! We ended up having to stop in Strathmore for the night. We thought we could make it home (Our friends tried to get us to stay there, we should have listened), but along with being tired it was so foggy that we were only able to go about 60km/hr. It would have taken us almost 3 1/2 hours at that rate. So we stopped at a hotel. It was great. We love hotels... so it was a mini vacation! Then we headed home this morning and had breakfast at Denny's! Great food!

Now we are home. Just got back from Grocery shopping actually, which I hate. And I am realising that I am very moody today. I'm fine one minute and then all of a sudden.... BAM... I'm yelling and kicking up a fuss about something! I feel like a kid having a tantrum! Poor Jeff.

Anyways, tomorrow I am suppose to ovulate (according to calculations)... but I don't think I will. You can usually tell when the eggs release. The clomid may have postponed it by a few days.

That's all the news on this end! Talk to you tomorrow!

Shannon

1991 Toyota Tercel

So you are looking at a new(er) car that we are picking up today. Mom and Dad were wanting a little car that they could use when they come here every year. This way they can drive to Grande Prairie rather then take the bus all the time. It also gives them freedom while they are there.

Its a 1991 Toyota Tercel. Its in great shape, but it doesn't have many options. Which is okay because Mom and Dad just wanted a car that could get them from A to B. It has 195, 000 kms on it which is great. Pretty low for a '91. Its a standard which sucks, because I don't drive standard. But Jeff does and he's pretty excited about it. What is it with Men and standards? Does it boost your masculinity or something?

So want to hear the best part!! Mom and Dad will be leaving it here while they are back in Newfoundland, so we will have a second car! YAH!! You have no idea how great that is for us. Jeff and I have been wanting to buy another car for a long time, but we wanted to pay off the one we've got first. So this is great. Jeff and I will just pay for insurance and maintenance. Insurance won't be much anyways. Our car is only $700.00. Its amazing what turning 25 can do!

The best thing about the car is that we can put off buying a van (which we were going to get sometime this year.) until we absolutely need it, like when we have a baby (or babies!). So we can save our money.

Anyways, enough about the car! My last clomid pills are tonight. I'm SOOO happy that I haven't had any side effects. It means that if I have to keep taking these pills for a few months I won't dread it. Lets hope though that I won't need to take them next month! ;-)

Have a good day everyone!

Shannon