I have never been as heartbroken as I am at this moment. I know that I promised some good news... unfortunately the good news I was hoping to share was taken away from us today.
Since February we have been hoping on adopting a 1 year old boy from Alberta. I can't go into many details since this adoption was through Family Services and I must protect the child, but the short story is that the birth father put our names forward as the people he would like to adopt his son. Over the many months since February we have been on a roller coaster of good news and bad news... one moment thinking we would get him, the next thinking we wouldn't.
While we were away in Newfoundland we got a call from Alberta saying that we were chosen as the adoptive family for this child. We were ecstatic. Of course that didn't mean it would actually happen... there would have to be a meeting between the Yukon and Alberta and all the people involved would have to sign off.
While we were in Alberta at the end of August we were allowed to go and visit the foster family and meet our "son". He was so beautiful... I was in love! He was everything we had ever dreamed of. He looks so much like Jeff that I don't think anyone would ever believe that he was adopted! He is such a boy’s boy... rough and tumble. He loves trucks and I don't think there was a moment he didn't have one in his hand. We had a great time getting to know him and getting to know the foster family. Right away we all clicked... it all felt very right.
When we got back to Whitehorse we waited to hear when the big meeting between Alberta and Yukon would be. Finally on September 2nd we got the call that we had been waiting for... they had agreed that we would adopt him!! We were told to start preparing for a toddler in our home! The paperwork would take a while longer since it was an inter-provincial adoption but they were hopeful that we would be able to go and pick him up sometime around October 1st.
I can't describe how excited we were. FINALLY after 7 years of praying for a child our dream was coming true. We started right away preparing his room and buying all the things necessary for an almost 2 year old. I would sit in his room and dream of all the things we would do with him... the places we would take him, the activities we would participate in. I couldn't wait to sit in his room and watch him sleep and to hear him call me mom. I bought a devotional book for children and couldn't wait to have family devotions and teach him about Christ. I had sooooo many dreams...
Unfortunately today our dreams were stripped away. We were waiting on one manager in Alberta to return from vacation to sign off on the papers and when she returned she decided that policy was not followed and put a stop to the adoption. We were hoping and praying that she would have a change of heart but no... today the final decision was made.
I'm so crushed that I honestly don't know how to deal with it... I can't describe to you the pain that is in my heart right now. I honestly feel as if we have had our son ripped from our arms. I just can't believe that after all these months, after all the things we had overcome we are ending HERE.. with my arms empty yet again. sigh...
I have a room now that is filled with all the things we had bought for him... his bed is made, toys are ready to be played with, clothes hanging in the closet. I haven't been able to go in there yet... I just can't imagine having to take it all down and return it all to the store. My dreams are locked in that room at the moment and I honestly don't want to let them go. I don't know when I will be able to... hopefully I get the strength soon.
So, this is what has been happening in our lives this last while. Several people have been asking what’s up... I thought I would let you know. Please pray for us and most importantly please pray for this little boy and that he will go to a GREAT adoptive home where he will be loved and where he will learn about Jesus. I pray that God will protect this child and give him the family he deserves to have.
Shannon
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15 comments:
Shannon, my heart is breaking reading this. Please know that I am praying for you - right now. For peace and for understanding in a situation where both are difficult to find. I don't want to say, "I know how you feel" because I don't. But I can only liken this to when I suffered a miscarriage. Nothing made sense and my future was suddenly filled with sadness as I, too, sat in an empty room that was meant for somebody special. But good things eventually came! Not right away, but definitely down the road. Praying the same is true for you and your heart, arms and home will be filled with the blessing you've been longing for. Call me anytime, my friend. We love you both. (((HUGS)))
Hi Sweetheart
I am still feeling so much shock and anger that this has happened.
Talking to Jeff last night was hard too, I felt his anger. I hope we can find a way to deal with this. I hate this helpless feeling.
I love you both so much. xoxo
Just know I'm thinking of you guys during this process....sometimes life just sucks!
Shannon,
I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to say other than I will continue to pray for you and Jeff. I have to believe that in the very end, the special child God gives will be worth the pain today. Until that day know you are lifted up the One who created us all.
Shannon, I was thinking and praying for you yesterday. I even checked your blog to see if you had any news. Please, know that we care and we are so hoping the best for you and Jeff. It's so hard to get our hopes up only to find that our dreams have been dashed yet again. But Jesus will pick you up and put your heart back together again. He will see you through this... even this. "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." (Lamentations 3:22-24)
Love and prayers for you both. Allison
Shannon it was heart breaking for me to read through your blog.I am deeply sorry to hear about this. I will keep you in my prayers trusting that good things will happen soon.
nice to meet you
Shannon - so sorry to hear about this - Sam & I will keep you and jeff in our prayers
Mary
Oh Shannon, my heart is broken for you. :( Thinking of you and your husband and hoping you get your baby soon.
Shannon, as the mother of a daughter who battles infertility issues my prayers are with you. For your pain, my prayers are with you. When you are ready please read Psalm 34:18, Romans 8:26. These verses have helped me during times of utter grief. Know that God is with you through all of this.
Debi Carr
Shannon, I have never met you but through your MIL, I have heard a little about your story. I am so SORRY that this is happening yet again to you. As a woman who struggled with infertility for 10years, and 2 significant pregnancy losses. My heart aches for you. I am praying that GOD surrounds you and Jeff right now, help you through this difficult time. No words can take away your pain, but just know that prayers are being lifted up in your name. GOD IS THE ALMIGHTY ONE and HE KNOWS YOUR PAIN AND HURT. Take care
Dear Shannon,
I am a friend of Shelley's. I am so sad for you and Jeff. I feel that a terrible injustice has been done here. I told your mom that if being in Alberta was an issue, how is it that 7 other people did not know this? There is something fishy about this. It is not my business but if it were me this happened to, I would go to the media about it. They cannot be allowed to play with people's hearts and minds like this; not to mention all the money you put into setting up his room. I would also go above that manager's head and talk to whoever will listen. How can it be better for this child to go back to a foster home instead of to a family who is ready and willing to give him so much love? I wonder how many other times this manager has pulled something like this? How can 7 people be wrong? Anyhow, like I say, you probably don't want or need advice right now. Your heart is breaking. But I think this may not be over... give it some thought and prayer, of course, but consider fighting for this little guy. My sympathies.
Hi Shannon
heard about this tragedy from Carolyn Davis, I agree with the last comment, you need to find out why this happened! I adopted a child internationally and I am aware of the corruption in governments foreign and our own. The Canadian Government, our embassy in Romania tried to hinder my daughter's arrival over a typing error,I made a lot of phone calls to my MP, the foreign minsiter,etc...You and your husband deserve answers and an apology! An injustice has been done to this baby boy, you and your husband. Peace of Christ be with you both! Yours in Christ, Vicky
Shannon, I don't know you but I am a friend of Steve and Christina's. My heart breaks for you as I read your story. I've been following your blog for a few years and have been praying for you and the family God has planned for you. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling. I pray that you will know God's peace that passes all understanding. It's so frustrating that one bureaucratic error can cause so much heartbreak. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers as God reveals his plans to you. May God continue to bless and use you in your ministry as you struggle through these hard times.
My heart hurts for you.
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