Pet Peeves

*Disclaimer* In no way am I trying to make anyone feel bad through this post and if you have mentioned the pet peeves below to me in the past please do not feel bad... maybe just stay away from saying it in the future! :o) And these are MY pet peeves. Not all people struggling with infertility or who are going through the adoption process would find them as annoying. As well because they are pet peeves it may come off as me being a little "angry" I'm honestly not... I'm just annoyed! lol!

Well as I promised here are my pet peeves...

Pet Peeve #1 - Just Relax
I have had a LOT of people tell me this... from strangers to friends to family. Let me start by saying I know you mean well, I really do, but honestly it doesn't help. I've mentioned this pet peeve in an earlier post(s) because it really gets under my skin. These past two years we have been relaxed... We stopped "trying" meaning we weren't looking at ovulation, I stopped obsessing about getting pregnant and we came to the point where we accepted the fact that we might never build our family that way. Guess what? After all that "relaxing" we're still not pregnant!! So while it may have happened for your friend or a family member... it hasn't happened for us, and each time I hear someone say it, all it does is remind me that yet again someone else has had success getting pregnant while we haven't.

Pet Peeve #2 - Just adopt - It's so easy
I have had numerous people say this to us back before we were in the process to adopt. There are soooo many things wrong with this statement. First and foremost... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! The word JUST should never be put before the word adopt. Our adoption process has been FAR worse then anything we went through with infertility.
People tend to think that adoption is something that is easy. First, it took us a year to get the courses done and to have our homestudy approved. And that's a quick process compared to what some provinces are like. Second, it could take years before a child is placed with us... or never. Third, if we weren't going through family services it would cost upwards of $10,000 to adopt through a private adoption agency (Tons more if it were international). Fourth, and this is a big one for me... Adopting does not replace the desire to carry a child in your womb and to have a child that is genetically yours. Even after we adopt a child I will still always long to know what it is like to feel a baby kick in my stomach. I will wonder what a child that is half Jeff and half me would look like. Would I love our adopted child any different then a biological child? Not a chance! I believe adoption is just another way that children can come into your home. But that doesn't mean that by adopting all those wants and desires to get pregnant will go away.

Pet Peeve #3 - Just Adopt - TONS of children are waiting
This brings me to my next pet peeve with the statement "Just Adopt". People honestly think there are thousands of children just waiting to go to a good home, and agency's are desperate for adoptive parents. Wrong! Well partly wrong. There are lots of children in foster care but they are either not ready to be adopted yet or have severe mental and pysical disabilities that unfortunately make them hard to be placed with a family (this saddens me greatly). Here in the Yukon on average 2 children get placed per year... meanwhile there are probably 20-30 approved families waiting. In Newfoundland I've been told there is a 10 year waiting list. It takes FOREVER for a child to finally become adoptable through family services. There is a huge process of red tape for the social workers to work through before the parental rights can be taken from the birth parents. Then once they are legally able to be adopted it can take months for family services to go through the process to find the right adoptive home. On top of that not all the children that are ready to be adopted are the right fit for your family. For example, children with FAS would not be a great fit for our family as we do not have a predictable schedule or life and this can cause great stress in a child with FAS. So as I said... "Just" is not a word that should be put in front of adopt.

Pet Peeve #4 - You'll get pregnant if you adopt
Of all my pet peeves this is the one that makes me want to scream. I hate it when people say this to me. First may I say while you may know people who have gotten pregnant after adopting I also know LOTS of people who have adopted and have NOT gotten pregnant. Second, I will NOT use adoption as a means of fertility treatment. Third, a lot of people who did get pregnant while they were adopting were actually still trying to get pregnant and it just so happens whatever they were trying worked... for example a couple I know adopted and then went to have an IUI. When they became pregnant everyone assumed it was because they adopted.
Another thing that irks me about this comment is that when people say that we will get pregnant after we adopt it makes it seem as if the adopted child is not as important as the biological child. When we decided to adopt it wasn't because we felt we had no choice... it was because we felt that it is the right thing to do. Even if I were to get pregnant right now we would still want to adopt.
I think the part that makes me the most mad is that if we do get pregnant when we adopt I don't want anyone taking the credit away from God. I don't want people saying "oh they got pregnant because they adopted". I want people to say "Oh they got pregnant because God decided to give them a child." Make sense?

So there you have it! Four pet peeves of mine... well pet peeves that have to do with the purpose of this blog! I'm sure there are more... if I think of them I'll share them. Enjoy!