We are really excited to be heading to Juneau Alaska on the weekend. This is the weekend that we were hoping on bringing our boy home and so Jeff and I decided we would take the weekend off and be alone together without any responsibilities... pretty sure our head and hearts wouldn't be in anything anyways.
We also returned things to the store today... that was hard. I was fine until she took the car seat out of my hands. We bought the car seat first for Anesu and then kept it hoping we would use it for this little boy so it held a lot of emotion for us. I was proud of myself though, I made it through with no tears, just a heavy heart. :o(
So, now his room is looking much more bare, though we have still kept a few things that we hope we will one day get to use. I've also kept a little stuffed animal I bought for him... I figure it will be something that will remind me of him in years to come. I'll pack it all away for now though.
On the TTC front we still haven't received the package of goodies we ordered. I'm really hoping it will be here before the week is out. When we ordered from this company before (when we were in High River) it only took a few days... mail takes FOREVER up here in the North.
Well that's an update for now. I'll let you know how our trip went when we get back.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Pet Peeves
*Disclaimer* In no way am I trying to make anyone feel bad through this post and if you have mentioned the pet peeves below to me in the past please do not feel bad... maybe just stay away from saying it in the future! :o) And these are MY pet peeves. Not all people struggling with infertility or who are going through the adoption process would find them as annoying. As well because they are pet peeves it may come off as me being a little "angry" I'm honestly not... I'm just annoyed! lol!
Well as I promised here are my pet peeves...
Pet Peeve #1 - Just Relax
I have had a LOT of people tell me this... from strangers to friends to family. Let me start by saying I know you mean well, I really do, but honestly it doesn't help. I've mentioned this pet peeve in an earlier post(s) because it really gets under my skin. These past two years we have been relaxed... We stopped "trying" meaning we weren't looking at ovulation, I stopped obsessing about getting pregnant and we came to the point where we accepted the fact that we might never build our family that way. Guess what? After all that "relaxing" we're still not pregnant!! So while it may have happened for your friend or a family member... it hasn't happened for us, and each time I hear someone say it, all it does is remind me that yet again someone else has had success getting pregnant while we haven't.
Pet Peeve #2 - Just adopt - It's so easy
I have had numerous people say this to us back before we were in the process to adopt. There are soooo many things wrong with this statement. First and foremost... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! The word JUST should never be put before the word adopt. Our adoption process has been FAR worse then anything we went through with infertility.
People tend to think that adoption is something that is easy. First, it took us a year to get the courses done and to have our homestudy approved. And that's a quick process compared to what some provinces are like. Second, it could take years before a child is placed with us... or never. Third, if we weren't going through family services it would cost upwards of $10,000 to adopt through a private adoption agency (Tons more if it were international). Fourth, and this is a big one for me... Adopting does not replace the desire to carry a child in your womb and to have a child that is genetically yours. Even after we adopt a child I will still always long to know what it is like to feel a baby kick in my stomach. I will wonder what a child that is half Jeff and half me would look like. Would I love our adopted child any different then a biological child? Not a chance! I believe adoption is just another way that children can come into your home. But that doesn't mean that by adopting all those wants and desires to get pregnant will go away.
Pet Peeve #3 - Just Adopt - TONS of children are waiting
This brings me to my next pet peeve with the statement "Just Adopt". People honestly think there are thousands of children just waiting to go to a good home, and agency's are desperate for adoptive parents. Wrong! Well partly wrong. There are lots of children in foster care but they are either not ready to be adopted yet or have severe mental and pysical disabilities that unfortunately make them hard to be placed with a family (this saddens me greatly). Here in the Yukon on average 2 children get placed per year... meanwhile there are probably 20-30 approved families waiting. In Newfoundland I've been told there is a 10 year waiting list. It takes FOREVER for a child to finally become adoptable through family services. There is a huge process of red tape for the social workers to work through before the parental rights can be taken from the birth parents. Then once they are legally able to be adopted it can take months for family services to go through the process to find the right adoptive home. On top of that not all the children that are ready to be adopted are the right fit for your family. For example, children with FAS would not be a great fit for our family as we do not have a predictable schedule or life and this can cause great stress in a child with FAS. So as I said... "Just" is not a word that should be put in front of adopt.
Pet Peeve #4 - You'll get pregnant if you adopt
Of all my pet peeves this is the one that makes me want to scream. I hate it when people say this to me. First may I say while you may know people who have gotten pregnant after adopting I also know LOTS of people who have adopted and have NOT gotten pregnant. Second, I will NOT use adoption as a means of fertility treatment. Third, a lot of people who did get pregnant while they were adopting were actually still trying to get pregnant and it just so happens whatever they were trying worked... for example a couple I know adopted and then went to have an IUI. When they became pregnant everyone assumed it was because they adopted.
Another thing that irks me about this comment is that when people say that we will get pregnant after we adopt it makes it seem as if the adopted child is not as important as the biological child. When we decided to adopt it wasn't because we felt we had no choice... it was because we felt that it is the right thing to do. Even if I were to get pregnant right now we would still want to adopt.
I think the part that makes me the most mad is that if we do get pregnant when we adopt I don't want anyone taking the credit away from God. I don't want people saying "oh they got pregnant because they adopted". I want people to say "Oh they got pregnant because God decided to give them a child." Make sense?
So there you have it! Four pet peeves of mine... well pet peeves that have to do with the purpose of this blog! I'm sure there are more... if I think of them I'll share them. Enjoy!
Well as I promised here are my pet peeves...
Pet Peeve #1 - Just Relax
I have had a LOT of people tell me this... from strangers to friends to family. Let me start by saying I know you mean well, I really do, but honestly it doesn't help. I've mentioned this pet peeve in an earlier post(s) because it really gets under my skin. These past two years we have been relaxed... We stopped "trying" meaning we weren't looking at ovulation, I stopped obsessing about getting pregnant and we came to the point where we accepted the fact that we might never build our family that way. Guess what? After all that "relaxing" we're still not pregnant!! So while it may have happened for your friend or a family member... it hasn't happened for us, and each time I hear someone say it, all it does is remind me that yet again someone else has had success getting pregnant while we haven't.
Pet Peeve #2 - Just adopt - It's so easy
I have had numerous people say this to us back before we were in the process to adopt. There are soooo many things wrong with this statement. First and foremost... ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! The word JUST should never be put before the word adopt. Our adoption process has been FAR worse then anything we went through with infertility.
People tend to think that adoption is something that is easy. First, it took us a year to get the courses done and to have our homestudy approved. And that's a quick process compared to what some provinces are like. Second, it could take years before a child is placed with us... or never. Third, if we weren't going through family services it would cost upwards of $10,000 to adopt through a private adoption agency (Tons more if it were international). Fourth, and this is a big one for me... Adopting does not replace the desire to carry a child in your womb and to have a child that is genetically yours. Even after we adopt a child I will still always long to know what it is like to feel a baby kick in my stomach. I will wonder what a child that is half Jeff and half me would look like. Would I love our adopted child any different then a biological child? Not a chance! I believe adoption is just another way that children can come into your home. But that doesn't mean that by adopting all those wants and desires to get pregnant will go away.
Pet Peeve #3 - Just Adopt - TONS of children are waiting
This brings me to my next pet peeve with the statement "Just Adopt". People honestly think there are thousands of children just waiting to go to a good home, and agency's are desperate for adoptive parents. Wrong! Well partly wrong. There are lots of children in foster care but they are either not ready to be adopted yet or have severe mental and pysical disabilities that unfortunately make them hard to be placed with a family (this saddens me greatly). Here in the Yukon on average 2 children get placed per year... meanwhile there are probably 20-30 approved families waiting. In Newfoundland I've been told there is a 10 year waiting list. It takes FOREVER for a child to finally become adoptable through family services. There is a huge process of red tape for the social workers to work through before the parental rights can be taken from the birth parents. Then once they are legally able to be adopted it can take months for family services to go through the process to find the right adoptive home. On top of that not all the children that are ready to be adopted are the right fit for your family. For example, children with FAS would not be a great fit for our family as we do not have a predictable schedule or life and this can cause great stress in a child with FAS. So as I said... "Just" is not a word that should be put in front of adopt.
Pet Peeve #4 - You'll get pregnant if you adopt
Of all my pet peeves this is the one that makes me want to scream. I hate it when people say this to me. First may I say while you may know people who have gotten pregnant after adopting I also know LOTS of people who have adopted and have NOT gotten pregnant. Second, I will NOT use adoption as a means of fertility treatment. Third, a lot of people who did get pregnant while they were adopting were actually still trying to get pregnant and it just so happens whatever they were trying worked... for example a couple I know adopted and then went to have an IUI. When they became pregnant everyone assumed it was because they adopted.
Another thing that irks me about this comment is that when people say that we will get pregnant after we adopt it makes it seem as if the adopted child is not as important as the biological child. When we decided to adopt it wasn't because we felt we had no choice... it was because we felt that it is the right thing to do. Even if I were to get pregnant right now we would still want to adopt.
I think the part that makes me the most mad is that if we do get pregnant when we adopt I don't want anyone taking the credit away from God. I don't want people saying "oh they got pregnant because they adopted". I want people to say "Oh they got pregnant because God decided to give them a child." Make sense?
So there you have it! Four pet peeves of mine... well pet peeves that have to do with the purpose of this blog! I'm sure there are more... if I think of them I'll share them. Enjoy!
We're Doing a Little Better...
Hard to believe it's only been a week since we got the horrific news that we would not be getting our baby boy. It feels like forever ago for some reason.
I was finally able to go in his room last night. It wasn't near as bad as what I thought it would be. I don't know if that's good or not... part of me feels like I've just kind of closed off those emotions... the other part feels like I'm coming to terms with it all and am at peace with it. Maybe its a bit of both? Who knows.
I think part of my feeling better is that Jeff and I have started TTC again. I wasn't going to tell anyone... but that's just not me!! lol! We've decided to take it pretty seriously and have ordered a whole bunch of products that we are hoping will give us a better chance of conceiving. I might go into those at a later date when we've been using them for a while... maybe I'll do a review of them. We are excited yet nervous about venturing onto the fertility roller coaster again. It's been kind of nice this last year and a half not wondering every month if we were pregnant. I know that I am going to be an emotional basket case again... sorry Jeff! :o) But I am excited at the possibility of having a baby.
I think that's it for now... I have a few thoughts and opinions on some things that people have said and pet peeves that I have. I might share that in my next post. Until then...
I was finally able to go in his room last night. It wasn't near as bad as what I thought it would be. I don't know if that's good or not... part of me feels like I've just kind of closed off those emotions... the other part feels like I'm coming to terms with it all and am at peace with it. Maybe its a bit of both? Who knows.
I think part of my feeling better is that Jeff and I have started TTC again. I wasn't going to tell anyone... but that's just not me!! lol! We've decided to take it pretty seriously and have ordered a whole bunch of products that we are hoping will give us a better chance of conceiving. I might go into those at a later date when we've been using them for a while... maybe I'll do a review of them. We are excited yet nervous about venturing onto the fertility roller coaster again. It's been kind of nice this last year and a half not wondering every month if we were pregnant. I know that I am going to be an emotional basket case again... sorry Jeff! :o) But I am excited at the possibility of having a baby.
I think that's it for now... I have a few thoughts and opinions on some things that people have said and pet peeves that I have. I might share that in my next post. Until then...
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Thank You!
It never ceases to amaze me the support I get from all my friends and family and even from people I've never met. I am extremely grateful for all the comments, messages and notes telling us that you are thinking about us and praying for us. I've especially been thankful for all the bible verses and reminders that in the midst of all of this God is right here beside us... even when it seems at times he isn't.
I'm feeling a little better now that its been a couple days. I honestly believe that 7 years of disappointments every month has given us the coping skills we need to get through these times. I had my day of crying and now I'm back at work and plugging along trying to forget about everything. I will admit that it's the little things that set me off though. For example, we had to get some groceries today and all of a sudden my heart started racing as I realised I'd have to go past the baby area which is where I bought a TON of stuff. It's easier to ignore the pain in my heart when nothing is around to remind me.
I've had a few people ask if we are going to fight the decision that was made. We explored taking the matter higher up but for every point we had they had a valid answer. We also don't want to get ourselves in trouble with the Yukon Family Services since we are still trying to adopt through them. As for our little boy, they have told us that he shouldn't be in Foster Care for too much longer as they already have some families picked out in Alberta... we are grateful for that.
I can honestly say that I am very skeptical of a system where one person can make such a life changing decision. I agree that policy must be followed... we stress it at our ministry unit all the time... but there comes a point (when other people are involved) where you just slap the hand of the employee and continue on. I really think that is what should have happened in this case.
Well, if there is any lesson we have learned through this it is don't trust any decision until the child is in your arms (and even then with adoption it can be iffy) This is two children now that we have "lost" due to "policy" and "politics". Both of my boys will always be in my heart and I will always remember them.
Thanks again for your support.
I'm feeling a little better now that its been a couple days. I honestly believe that 7 years of disappointments every month has given us the coping skills we need to get through these times. I had my day of crying and now I'm back at work and plugging along trying to forget about everything. I will admit that it's the little things that set me off though. For example, we had to get some groceries today and all of a sudden my heart started racing as I realised I'd have to go past the baby area which is where I bought a TON of stuff. It's easier to ignore the pain in my heart when nothing is around to remind me.
I've had a few people ask if we are going to fight the decision that was made. We explored taking the matter higher up but for every point we had they had a valid answer. We also don't want to get ourselves in trouble with the Yukon Family Services since we are still trying to adopt through them. As for our little boy, they have told us that he shouldn't be in Foster Care for too much longer as they already have some families picked out in Alberta... we are grateful for that.
I can honestly say that I am very skeptical of a system where one person can make such a life changing decision. I agree that policy must be followed... we stress it at our ministry unit all the time... but there comes a point (when other people are involved) where you just slap the hand of the employee and continue on. I really think that is what should have happened in this case.
Well, if there is any lesson we have learned through this it is don't trust any decision until the child is in your arms (and even then with adoption it can be iffy) This is two children now that we have "lost" due to "policy" and "politics". Both of my boys will always be in my heart and I will always remember them.
Thanks again for your support.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
How many times can a heart break before it is crushed beyond repair?
I have never been as heartbroken as I am at this moment. I know that I promised some good news... unfortunately the good news I was hoping to share was taken away from us today.
Since February we have been hoping on adopting a 1 year old boy from Alberta. I can't go into many details since this adoption was through Family Services and I must protect the child, but the short story is that the birth father put our names forward as the people he would like to adopt his son. Over the many months since February we have been on a roller coaster of good news and bad news... one moment thinking we would get him, the next thinking we wouldn't.
While we were away in Newfoundland we got a call from Alberta saying that we were chosen as the adoptive family for this child. We were ecstatic. Of course that didn't mean it would actually happen... there would have to be a meeting between the Yukon and Alberta and all the people involved would have to sign off.
While we were in Alberta at the end of August we were allowed to go and visit the foster family and meet our "son". He was so beautiful... I was in love! He was everything we had ever dreamed of. He looks so much like Jeff that I don't think anyone would ever believe that he was adopted! He is such a boy’s boy... rough and tumble. He loves trucks and I don't think there was a moment he didn't have one in his hand. We had a great time getting to know him and getting to know the foster family. Right away we all clicked... it all felt very right.
When we got back to Whitehorse we waited to hear when the big meeting between Alberta and Yukon would be. Finally on September 2nd we got the call that we had been waiting for... they had agreed that we would adopt him!! We were told to start preparing for a toddler in our home! The paperwork would take a while longer since it was an inter-provincial adoption but they were hopeful that we would be able to go and pick him up sometime around October 1st.
I can't describe how excited we were. FINALLY after 7 years of praying for a child our dream was coming true. We started right away preparing his room and buying all the things necessary for an almost 2 year old. I would sit in his room and dream of all the things we would do with him... the places we would take him, the activities we would participate in. I couldn't wait to sit in his room and watch him sleep and to hear him call me mom. I bought a devotional book for children and couldn't wait to have family devotions and teach him about Christ. I had sooooo many dreams...
Unfortunately today our dreams were stripped away. We were waiting on one manager in Alberta to return from vacation to sign off on the papers and when she returned she decided that policy was not followed and put a stop to the adoption. We were hoping and praying that she would have a change of heart but no... today the final decision was made.
I'm so crushed that I honestly don't know how to deal with it... I can't describe to you the pain that is in my heart right now. I honestly feel as if we have had our son ripped from our arms. I just can't believe that after all these months, after all the things we had overcome we are ending HERE.. with my arms empty yet again. sigh...
I have a room now that is filled with all the things we had bought for him... his bed is made, toys are ready to be played with, clothes hanging in the closet. I haven't been able to go in there yet... I just can't imagine having to take it all down and return it all to the store. My dreams are locked in that room at the moment and I honestly don't want to let them go. I don't know when I will be able to... hopefully I get the strength soon.
So, this is what has been happening in our lives this last while. Several people have been asking what’s up... I thought I would let you know. Please pray for us and most importantly please pray for this little boy and that he will go to a GREAT adoptive home where he will be loved and where he will learn about Jesus. I pray that God will protect this child and give him the family he deserves to have.
Shannon
Since February we have been hoping on adopting a 1 year old boy from Alberta. I can't go into many details since this adoption was through Family Services and I must protect the child, but the short story is that the birth father put our names forward as the people he would like to adopt his son. Over the many months since February we have been on a roller coaster of good news and bad news... one moment thinking we would get him, the next thinking we wouldn't.
While we were away in Newfoundland we got a call from Alberta saying that we were chosen as the adoptive family for this child. We were ecstatic. Of course that didn't mean it would actually happen... there would have to be a meeting between the Yukon and Alberta and all the people involved would have to sign off.
While we were in Alberta at the end of August we were allowed to go and visit the foster family and meet our "son". He was so beautiful... I was in love! He was everything we had ever dreamed of. He looks so much like Jeff that I don't think anyone would ever believe that he was adopted! He is such a boy’s boy... rough and tumble. He loves trucks and I don't think there was a moment he didn't have one in his hand. We had a great time getting to know him and getting to know the foster family. Right away we all clicked... it all felt very right.
When we got back to Whitehorse we waited to hear when the big meeting between Alberta and Yukon would be. Finally on September 2nd we got the call that we had been waiting for... they had agreed that we would adopt him!! We were told to start preparing for a toddler in our home! The paperwork would take a while longer since it was an inter-provincial adoption but they were hopeful that we would be able to go and pick him up sometime around October 1st.
I can't describe how excited we were. FINALLY after 7 years of praying for a child our dream was coming true. We started right away preparing his room and buying all the things necessary for an almost 2 year old. I would sit in his room and dream of all the things we would do with him... the places we would take him, the activities we would participate in. I couldn't wait to sit in his room and watch him sleep and to hear him call me mom. I bought a devotional book for children and couldn't wait to have family devotions and teach him about Christ. I had sooooo many dreams...
Unfortunately today our dreams were stripped away. We were waiting on one manager in Alberta to return from vacation to sign off on the papers and when she returned she decided that policy was not followed and put a stop to the adoption. We were hoping and praying that she would have a change of heart but no... today the final decision was made.
I'm so crushed that I honestly don't know how to deal with it... I can't describe to you the pain that is in my heart right now. I honestly feel as if we have had our son ripped from our arms. I just can't believe that after all these months, after all the things we had overcome we are ending HERE.. with my arms empty yet again. sigh...
I have a room now that is filled with all the things we had bought for him... his bed is made, toys are ready to be played with, clothes hanging in the closet. I haven't been able to go in there yet... I just can't imagine having to take it all down and return it all to the store. My dreams are locked in that room at the moment and I honestly don't want to let them go. I don't know when I will be able to... hopefully I get the strength soon.
So, this is what has been happening in our lives this last while. Several people have been asking what’s up... I thought I would let you know. Please pray for us and most importantly please pray for this little boy and that he will go to a GREAT adoptive home where he will be loved and where he will learn about Jesus. I pray that God will protect this child and give him the family he deserves to have.
Shannon
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
We're back!
Just a short post to say I'm still here... We were away on holidays but we are back now. We had a great time in Newfoundland with my family. Steve, Christina and the kids were home for a week as well so it was great to get the whole family together. It was also great spending almost every day at Mom and Dad's cabin on the lake... what a life! After Newfoundland we headed to Alberta for Officers Camp and while there got to see friends we had left behind when we moved. We had a GREAT visit with everyone but we were glad to get back home to our own bed.
That's all I have time for now, hopefully I will get a chance to post sometime soon about some exciting things that have been happening... until then keep coming back to check for an update!
Shannon
That's all I have time for now, hopefully I will get a chance to post sometime soon about some exciting things that have been happening... until then keep coming back to check for an update!
Shannon
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