Well I made it through mothers day. I kept myself pretty busy today with friends so it made it a little easier. Tonight though... well that's a different story.
I'm not really sad... I'm just really, really tired of it all. I'm mad I think. Its an odd emotion actually. I don't know how to describe it. I want to scream and cry all at the same time... and I am sooooo sick of waiting. I want a baby RIGHT now. ARGGGGG. Its so unfair.
You all must be so sick of my complaining. I feel like such a whiner! But I just can't help it... I have to get it out.
Something has to happen soon... I can't take this much longer.
Shannon
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A place where I can share my thoughts and feelings on infertility, adoption and loss and all of its struggles and joys. As well as a place where I can find support and prayers from my family and friends.
About Me
- Shannon
- Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada
Our Journey So Far...
Jeff and I met in 1999 at Bible College in Winnipeg. We were married there in April 2002. We didn't start trying to have a baby until 2004. After a couple years of trying on our own we went to our Family Doctor to see what our problem was. After much testing it was discovered that we were dealing with male factor infertility. In November 2007 we were told we had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own and that IVF would be our only solution. We weren't able to afford IVF at the time and so did one round of IUI in April 2009 which was not successful. In the midst of this we decided that Adoption was something God was calling us to and we began looking into what that would be like. in July 2009 we met for the first time with our social worker and began our homestudy to be approved for adoption through social services. In May 2010 we decided we would pursue an adoption of a little boy in Zimbabwe. This eventually fell through due to complications with immigration. While this was going on however we were also hopeful about adopting another little boy from Alberta. In August 2010 we received word that we had been chosen as the adoptive parents. We were ecstatic! In September however, a couple weeks before we were to get him the adoption fell through leaving us heartbroken. Because of this adoption heartbreak, in February 2011 we decided we would pursue IVF again. In June 2012 we traveled to Vancouver for our first (and probably last) IVF treatment. We were able to transfer two day 3 embryos and freeze five day 5 blastocysts. On June 26th for the first time in 8 years of TTC I saw my first positive pregnancy test! We were so happy! Unfortunately a couple weeks later on July 12th we miscarried our precious little ones whom we named Esme (meaning Loved) and Zane (meaning God is Gracious). We were heartbroken but thankful that God saw fit to bless us with their lives even for a few short weeks. In October 2012 we traveled to Vancouver again for a FET. We transferred one sweet little Blast and were blessed to find out we had conceived again. All too soon though little Gabriel (meaning God is my Strength) went to be with Jesus and his Brothers and Sisters on November 15th. We miss our children and look forward to the day that we are reunited with them in Heaven.
And the journey continues...
And the journey continues...
List Of Abbreviations
BFP - Big Fat Positive
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
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9 comments:
I was thinking about you all day. It must have been so hard to put on a brave face and wish everyone a happy mother's day from the pulpit, and likely to speak on mothering for the sermon.
God is good. Cling to that knowledge.
We love you
Hey Girl. Believe me, it was a hard day for me too, you were in my prayers all day. Anytime something came up about the day, my thoughts went to you right away. I think I am sick of waiting for you to be a Mommy too! How selfish of me is THAT??? Anyhow, I was pondering, during one of my prayer sessions, what I could say or do to help this day go by for you...I came up with nothing. Well that is not true, I did come up with a few things but nothing that would have helped so I just kept praying for you! I do hope that helped. Love you.
Yep, we were praying for you too! I figured it was going to be a difficult day for you. I'm glad to hear you spent it in good company.
A verse just came to mind that has been helping me through my own... fears (and I have connected it somewhat with Mother's Day because my boys bought me a bag with this verse printed on it). I hope you find some encouragement from it too. "Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord, your God is with you wherever you go" Joshua 1:9. God's love for you has not changed. He loves you now as much as he did when He created you and He is with you on the difficult days, in those dark places... it's the truth and don't tell me we're not better off for it!
What we all wouldn't do to see you holding your own baby in your arms next Mother's Day... I will not give up praying to that end.
We can't wait to come and see you guys this weekend. It's been far to long. Are you guys going to be in the parade on Monday? Talk to you soon
oooohhh a parade, can I come? no seriously can I come? It is a long weekend and maybe Mike can take the Sunday off!
The Little Britches parade is 9AM Monday morning
Yes of course you can come to the parade. Unfortunately we won't be participating in the parade this year. With the songster visit we will be to busy to put something together. The parade starts at 10:00am though Breian. Just so you know!
Shannon
if you're not in it that just means we can all sit together! How fun would that be??? Still working on it, he still hasn't said no so things are looking good!
Yeah... that would be fun! And its actually a half decent parade... for a small town! It has a lot of marching bands because this has become the practice parade for the stampede. I really, really hope you can make it down here!
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