Hi all.... or is there anyone there? I don't know if anyone is reading this blog anymore, but no matter, it helps me get my "thoughts and feelings" out.
I am now in the 2ww. I was sitting in the TV room this morning watching "a baby story" (I'm totally addicted!) thinking about how these weeks suck, when I thought of a good part of it. When I am in the 2ww it is hard because you want to find out if you are pregnant and 2 weeks is a long time to find out. The good part is that you have 2 weeks where you can pretend to be pregnant. You have hope. If I let myself, I can dream about being pregnant, when I would be due, how we would tell people, how the room would be set up and so on.
The catch to this fantasy land of pregnant bellies and baby clothes is that so far in my life, after the 2ww I end up not being pregnant and therefore crushed. The problem with letting your emotions run high is that they can then run VERY low. The emotional trip is not just unpleasant, it eats away a little part of you each time.
So, some months I let myself dream and prepare for the heartbreak, but other times I hold back. It is as if my brain knows when I can handle it, and when I can't. The mind is amazing like that.
I guess this month my brain sees fit to let me dream!
Shannon
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A place where I can share my thoughts and feelings on infertility, adoption and loss and all of its struggles and joys. As well as a place where I can find support and prayers from my family and friends.
About Me
- Shannon
- Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada
Our Journey So Far...
Jeff and I met in 1999 at Bible College in Winnipeg. We were married there in April 2002. We didn't start trying to have a baby until 2004. After a couple years of trying on our own we went to our Family Doctor to see what our problem was. After much testing it was discovered that we were dealing with male factor infertility. In November 2007 we were told we had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own and that IVF would be our only solution. We weren't able to afford IVF at the time and so did one round of IUI in April 2009 which was not successful. In the midst of this we decided that Adoption was something God was calling us to and we began looking into what that would be like. in July 2009 we met for the first time with our social worker and began our homestudy to be approved for adoption through social services. In May 2010 we decided we would pursue an adoption of a little boy in Zimbabwe. This eventually fell through due to complications with immigration. While this was going on however we were also hopeful about adopting another little boy from Alberta. In August 2010 we received word that we had been chosen as the adoptive parents. We were ecstatic! In September however, a couple weeks before we were to get him the adoption fell through leaving us heartbroken. Because of this adoption heartbreak, in February 2011 we decided we would pursue IVF again. In June 2012 we traveled to Vancouver for our first (and probably last) IVF treatment. We were able to transfer two day 3 embryos and freeze five day 5 blastocysts. On June 26th for the first time in 8 years of TTC I saw my first positive pregnancy test! We were so happy! Unfortunately a couple weeks later on July 12th we miscarried our precious little ones whom we named Esme (meaning Loved) and Zane (meaning God is Gracious). We were heartbroken but thankful that God saw fit to bless us with their lives even for a few short weeks. In October 2012 we traveled to Vancouver again for a FET. We transferred one sweet little Blast and were blessed to find out we had conceived again. All too soon though little Gabriel (meaning God is my Strength) went to be with Jesus and his Brothers and Sisters on November 15th. We miss our children and look forward to the day that we are reunited with them in Heaven.
And the journey continues...
And the journey continues...
List Of Abbreviations
BFP - Big Fat Positive
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
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3 comments:
Hey Shannon,
I think about you everytime the girls and I sit down and watch "A Baby Story". I actually feel guilty sometimes when I think about if I had my tubal reversal done and it actually worked, how unfair it would be for me to get pregnant again when you are having such difficulty having one.
Hi, beautiful!!!
...of course I still read your blog!
God willing, one day this 2ww of torture will pay off for you and Jeff...
Until then, you have the world's best nephews to love! ;)
Love you TONS!
Hey Hon,
I still check in once and a while too. I love reading what you write, you are developing a fantastic ability to put feeling to paper. I have told my friends about your blog because I am so impressed with how you have developed through writing.
I would not be surprised if God were leading you to a process of sharing your story in a book one day when your miracle has shown itself.
The Book of Shannon.
Love you and am so sad to have finally had a year where we have not seen each other. :( The years not out yet! Maybe there is a chance still?!
Keep writing and we will keep reading!
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