Baby's first Christmas... in heaven

It's Christmas morning for us!  We are so thankful to be done with the work side of Christmas (it has been a stressful and tiring month) and are looking forward to this time off but my heart is heavy this morning as I think about my  babies that should still be here with us. :(  This Christmas was suppose to be different.  This Christmas I was suppose to be excited for the coming year and the arrival of our little ones.  If I were still pregnant with Esme and Zane I would be 30 weeks today.  I would be making final preperations for their arrival.  If I were still carrying Gabe I would be approaching the 12 week mark in a few days and would probably be finding a little relief to be done with the first trimester.  But I'm not pregnant.  Once again Christmas will come and go and we will be childless.  It's so hard sometimes not to just give up and let sorrow and grief over take me.  This is not where I thought I would be 10 years into our marriage.  I really thought by now that we would have had a child either by birth or adoption.  And here I still sit with empty arms.  Sigh... 

Someone posted this poem on my forum yesterday and I wanted to share it...

"First Christmas"

I hear that on the Earth below
This is a special season
With lights and songs and gifts and such,
And Jesus is the reason!

In the place I would have lived
Are strings of light that blink and shine,
But you should see the light up here
That glows from Jesus all the time!

In the place I would have lived
Carols play, and special songs,
But you should hear the music that
The angels sing here all day long!

In the place I would have lived,
Gifts are giv’n on Christmas Day,
But you should feel the joy we feel
Because God’s gift is here to stay!

In the place I would have lived,
Tears have flowed because I’m gone.
My family wishes I were there
To see and hear and feel it all.

But in this place where I now live,
It’s Christmas all day, all year long,
And the sights and sounds I’d see with them
Are pure, unblemished by all wrong.

So on this day that would have been
My first Christmas on the Earth,
Mama, Daddy, you need to know
I’m celebrating Jesus’ birth!

When you sing songs to worship Him,
I’m singing with the angels, too.
I’m never closer than when we all
Praise Him for our life anew.

I know this life began for me
Sooner than you thought it would.
I know your hearts are hurting now,
And you would change things if you could.

But in this place, where you’ll come, too,
We’ll be together, forever.
And there will be no more good-byes
When we celebrate Christmas in heaven – together! 

I miss my babies and I can't wait until the day I get to meet them in Heaven and celebrate Christmas with them there.