I know I promised that I would write updates as we went through our FET journey but I never seemed to find the time to write. As you may have guessed from my title, we were very fortunate and blessed to conceive again but unfortunately at 5 weeks 3 days on November 15th we miscarried again. I just don't have the energy to write our story out at the moment. Maybe someday... we will see.
It has only been a little over a week since we lost our little Gabriel (Gabe for short). Right from day one I felt that this one was a boy. I kept saying that if it came out a girl it would end up having an identity crisis! Gabriel means "God is my strength". Right now, it is definitely God's strength that is keeping me going.
I'm really missing my babies tonight. It seems like everywhere around me are reminders of what we don't have... of what we lost. It's only been a week since we found out for sure that we miscarried Gabe and it feels like an eternity. I can't believe that I am now a Mother of three (well three miscarried babies... We also have 23 other little ones, lost as embryos) in heaven. We have been TTC for nearly 9 years and somedays I wish I could go back to the "simpler" time of just having infertility to grieve over. But then I also think of how grateful I am that at least I have children... even if they are waiting for us in heaven.
Esme, Zane, Gabe and my 23 precious little ones...
I love you and I miss you! I can't wait for the day that I get to meet you in heaven and hug and kiss you. I wish we could have met this side of heaven but I am thankful that you are spending eternity in your heavenly home. Someday we will all get to be a family together, but until then I will hold you each in my heart.
Love your Mom
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