Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The end... for now?
Well the funk has not passed. After this post I just may be on a break from blogging for a while. I did want to let you know quickly where we are at with treatment and such. In September we saw the doctor and decided that our best option is to do IVF. So we've decided that if all goes well, February will be the month we start the process. We are looking forward to it and praying that it is successful. If so we should have a little one(s) by next November. Feel free to keep checking back here in case I get in the mood to start writing again! Thanks for all your prayers and support!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
I'm still here...
...I'm just not in the mood to post lately. Keep checking back though... hopefully the "funk" I'm in will pass soon and I'll be posting again. Until then, I hope you are enjoying your summer!
Monday, June 27, 2011
The results are back... again!
It has always bothered me that even though our problem lies within Jeff's body he has never been checked out. So recently I joined a Christian infertility support forum called Hannah's Prayer (GREAT site!) and decided to ask the ladies there whether their hubby's had ever been sent to a urologist to get checked out. Turns out they have! I have asked all of my doctors (4 of them over the years) about getting him checked and they all said there was no point. So, as soon as the ladies assured me that I was right to want him checked out I made an appointment with my doctor to get a referral. Thankfully my regular family doctor was away so I got to see the doctor filling in for him (since I had already asked my family doctor about a referral before I wasn't looking forward to "demanding" one).
So we went in for our appointment and the doctor, since he doesn't know us, was looking at our files to see whether Jeff really should see a urologist and he commented that Jeff had just had a semen analysis (SA) but the count wasn't done... excuse me?? Not done? I told him that when I had called early that week, the nurse had said that the count was 8 million. Turns out she read the results wrong and looked at the PH level rather than the count. So, that meant that we had stopped the vitamins without really knowing whether they worked. So of course I asked for another test (poor Jeff! lol!).
Well, thankfully this doctor realised that we should be referred to a urologist, so we now have an appointment in Vancouver (there are no urologists here) for August 18th. I'm really hoping that we figure out what is going on. It is quite possible that he has varicocele veins which is fixable through a simple surgery (I'm pretty sure Jeff wouldn't agree!). It doesn't guarantee to improve fertility but it would be a chance we would be willing to take.
As for the newest SA the results have come back from that one and his count has gone up! It was 10 million this time... he hasn't had counts that high since the first SA that was done years ago. Unfortunately the motility went down to 70% from 80% on the last one. So we've decided that we will go back on the vitamins since the count was so good. Hopefully they will continue to help.
As for me, I've been charting my temperatures again for the past 3 months and I've noticed that my Luteal Phase (the time between ovulation and period) has been 10-11 days long. Anything under 12 days is considered a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD). This means that even if I were to become pregnant my body may not recognise it and just go on to my period and flush out the little embryo. (I wonder if this explains the two times that I've felt for sure that I was pregnant??) Of course my doctors have never said anything about this (which really doesn't surprise me... grrrrr). I've done some research and some people have had success lengthening their LP with vitamin B6. So I've started taking it and I'm hoping next month I will see a difference. If I don't see it lengthen in the next few months I'll head back to the doctor to see what my next step should be... to which I am sure they will say IVF. That seems to be their answer for everything (funny that that is also where they make the most money.. hmmm.)
Anyways, all of this information has given me hope again that just maybe we will be able to conceive naturally some day. For now we are going to put off IVF until we get the diagnoses from the urologist.
Please pray that we can figure some things out this summer!
So we went in for our appointment and the doctor, since he doesn't know us, was looking at our files to see whether Jeff really should see a urologist and he commented that Jeff had just had a semen analysis (SA) but the count wasn't done... excuse me?? Not done? I told him that when I had called early that week, the nurse had said that the count was 8 million. Turns out she read the results wrong and looked at the PH level rather than the count. So, that meant that we had stopped the vitamins without really knowing whether they worked. So of course I asked for another test (poor Jeff! lol!).
Well, thankfully this doctor realised that we should be referred to a urologist, so we now have an appointment in Vancouver (there are no urologists here) for August 18th. I'm really hoping that we figure out what is going on. It is quite possible that he has varicocele veins which is fixable through a simple surgery (I'm pretty sure Jeff wouldn't agree!). It doesn't guarantee to improve fertility but it would be a chance we would be willing to take.
As for the newest SA the results have come back from that one and his count has gone up! It was 10 million this time... he hasn't had counts that high since the first SA that was done years ago. Unfortunately the motility went down to 70% from 80% on the last one. So we've decided that we will go back on the vitamins since the count was so good. Hopefully they will continue to help.
As for me, I've been charting my temperatures again for the past 3 months and I've noticed that my Luteal Phase (the time between ovulation and period) has been 10-11 days long. Anything under 12 days is considered a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD). This means that even if I were to become pregnant my body may not recognise it and just go on to my period and flush out the little embryo. (I wonder if this explains the two times that I've felt for sure that I was pregnant??) Of course my doctors have never said anything about this (which really doesn't surprise me... grrrrr). I've done some research and some people have had success lengthening their LP with vitamin B6. So I've started taking it and I'm hoping next month I will see a difference. If I don't see it lengthen in the next few months I'll head back to the doctor to see what my next step should be... to which I am sure they will say IVF. That seems to be their answer for everything (funny that that is also where they make the most money.. hmmm.)
Anyways, all of this information has given me hope again that just maybe we will be able to conceive naturally some day. For now we are going to put off IVF until we get the diagnoses from the urologist.
Please pray that we can figure some things out this summer!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The results are back...
So I finally got the results back from Jeff's test... not much changed. His count went up to 8 million (from 7 million last time) but that's not really a big enough change to make me think it's due to the vitamins. The very first semen analysis he had done he had 10 million and the lowest has been 4.5 so 8 is not really an improvement especially considering 25 million is the lowest healthy number. The morphology was still normal so that's good. Now we have to decide whether we stick with the vitamins or save the money. We will probably save the money... that way we can put it towards IVF.
It was a little frustrating going to the gynecologist this week (they bumped my appointment from June 1st to June 6th) and finding out that my family doctor could have just referred me to the fertility clinic in Calgary two months ago when I asked him about it. So the GYN visit was a complete waste of time... no exam, no looking at the temperature charts I've been doing (because that's what they told me he needed), no information on what the process will be.. sigh... a complete waste of time. Oh well... at least the referral has been done now and so waiting for a call from the Calgary clinic is my next step... I feel like I'm always waiting...
It was a little frustrating going to the gynecologist this week (they bumped my appointment from June 1st to June 6th) and finding out that my family doctor could have just referred me to the fertility clinic in Calgary two months ago when I asked him about it. So the GYN visit was a complete waste of time... no exam, no looking at the temperature charts I've been doing (because that's what they told me he needed), no information on what the process will be.. sigh... a complete waste of time. Oh well... at least the referral has been done now and so waiting for a call from the Calgary clinic is my next step... I feel like I'm always waiting...
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Hmmm... I wonder if I was?
Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I'll give you a few updates!
Last month I really thought I was pregnant! :o( I was 10 days late and had TONS of symptoms. I took a test at about 7 days late and it was negative. Usually when I take a test I ALWAYS (literally) end up getting my period within an hour afterwards... this time that didn't happen and so my hopes began to soar! But then a few days later I began to spot and after not too long she came full force. I have been wondering if I had an early miscarriage since my period seemed a little strange and early in this cycle (this month) I was still feeling kind of pregnant. So much so that I thought I should take another test in the middle of this cycle just to make sure, but of course it came up negative as well. Those symptoms and "feelings" have subsided now so I'm wondering if I was pregnant and now the hormones have evened out again? Who knows... it's a mystery!
I'm looking forward to seeing my Gynecologist on June 1st. I'm hoping that he will push to get us into the IVF program as soon as possible. I really want to try it out and I'm praying hard that it will work and we will end up with a baby (or two!) in our arms in 2012.
I'm also excited that I've finally decided to start an infertility support group here in Whitehorse! I've been saying for years that I was going to do this and I've always put it off. I think I always believed (hoped) that I would end up getting pregnant "soon" and so didn't want to start up a group and then end up getting pregnant right away. This "fear" still haunts me (especially since we are hoping to do IVF) but I have to stop living my life waiting for something that may never happen. So, I've decided that if I do get pregnant then I'm sure God will bring someone else into the group that can lead it. I'm leaving it in his hands! I haven't advertised it yet as I'm still trying to figure some things out. I've done up a Facebook page and will put some posters up around town and of course ask other churches to advertise in their bulletins. It won't be an exclusively Christian group but will be held at the church. I'm hoping people will come!!
I think that's about it for updates. After my appointment in June I'll let you know what's happening!
Last month I really thought I was pregnant! :o( I was 10 days late and had TONS of symptoms. I took a test at about 7 days late and it was negative. Usually when I take a test I ALWAYS (literally) end up getting my period within an hour afterwards... this time that didn't happen and so my hopes began to soar! But then a few days later I began to spot and after not too long she came full force. I have been wondering if I had an early miscarriage since my period seemed a little strange and early in this cycle (this month) I was still feeling kind of pregnant. So much so that I thought I should take another test in the middle of this cycle just to make sure, but of course it came up negative as well. Those symptoms and "feelings" have subsided now so I'm wondering if I was pregnant and now the hormones have evened out again? Who knows... it's a mystery!
I'm looking forward to seeing my Gynecologist on June 1st. I'm hoping that he will push to get us into the IVF program as soon as possible. I really want to try it out and I'm praying hard that it will work and we will end up with a baby (or two!) in our arms in 2012.
I'm also excited that I've finally decided to start an infertility support group here in Whitehorse! I've been saying for years that I was going to do this and I've always put it off. I think I always believed (hoped) that I would end up getting pregnant "soon" and so didn't want to start up a group and then end up getting pregnant right away. This "fear" still haunts me (especially since we are hoping to do IVF) but I have to stop living my life waiting for something that may never happen. So, I've decided that if I do get pregnant then I'm sure God will bring someone else into the group that can lead it. I'm leaving it in his hands! I haven't advertised it yet as I'm still trying to figure some things out. I've done up a Facebook page and will put some posters up around town and of course ask other churches to advertise in their bulletins. It won't be an exclusively Christian group but will be held at the church. I'm hoping people will come!!
I think that's about it for updates. After my appointment in June I'll let you know what's happening!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Our Social Worker.
So we met with our Social Worker this past week. We are very sad that she is leaving the territory since we have had a great connection with her. It has been really nice having a Christian social worker who understands our values and morals. She also loves Tillsley and every time she comes to the house she spends the entire time holding the dog in her lap! I like it when people fall in love with my fur-babies!
The slightly bad news is that at this time they are not replacing her which means that we won't be assigned a new social worker. The adoption coordinator will essentially take over and if a child comes up for adoption she will be the one that will (hopefully) think of us and put our names forward. I'm not too concerned considering that our social worker, in the two years she has worked at family services, has only done one adoption and even that one hasn't been finalised yet.
So, I really do not see us adopting any time soon, at least not from family services. I'm still hoping that through friends and contacts who know we are looking to adopt, a birth mom will approach us. Until then our energy (and money!) will go towards IVF which I am really hoping will happen sometime this fall... but we will see.
The slightly bad news is that at this time they are not replacing her which means that we won't be assigned a new social worker. The adoption coordinator will essentially take over and if a child comes up for adoption she will be the one that will (hopefully) think of us and put our names forward. I'm not too concerned considering that our social worker, in the two years she has worked at family services, has only done one adoption and even that one hasn't been finalised yet.
So, I really do not see us adopting any time soon, at least not from family services. I'm still hoping that through friends and contacts who know we are looking to adopt, a birth mom will approach us. Until then our energy (and money!) will go towards IVF which I am really hoping will happen sometime this fall... but we will see.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Our Newest Addition!
Bath Time!
Fizzgig is a BIG trouble maker... but we love him. He makes us smile with his little head tilt when you speak to him and his cute, but slightly dumb expression! Him and Tillsley are getting along okay, though I think Tillsley is counting the days until Fizzgig gets older and doesn't want to play and bite so much. Now if I could only get him house trained...
On an infertility note, I have a GYN appointment on June 1st to discuss IVF. I wish we could have gotten a much sooner appointment. I hope this doesn't mean a long wait to get referred for the procedure. The worst part about doing this process all over again (we've been through all this when we lived in Alberta) is that I have to do all the tests over again. I don't mind blood tests but I really hate charting my temperature every morning. Oh well... whatever it takes to get this process started!
On an adoption note, while we were away in Ontario last week we had a message from our social worker. She's leaving. :o( We had a really great relationship with her. I don't know who our next worker will be... I hope we click with him/her. It's hard when that person will not have been through the homestudy with us and will really only know us by reading our profile. Oh well... we don't ever really expect to adopt while we are here anyways.
I think that's everything. I hope you are all enjoying your day!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Grief
It amazes me how much I still mourn for "our" little boy. I find myself every once in a while thinking about how different our lives would have been. Right now we are at a conference in Ontario and this morning during our worship service while I should be listening to the speaker all I could think of was how if we had him he would most likely be staying with Jeff's parents and we would be checking in to see if he was doing okay being away from us. I'd have a picture in my wallet that I could stare at and marvel at and of course proudly pass around. I'd get the chance to bring him to Ottawa with us and introduce him to his Aunt and Uncle and cousins. I'd also be able to bring him shopping at Toys-R-us and spoil him since you can't buy anything decent in the North! Instead, I have no picture to show, no phone calls to hear his voice, no grandson, nephew, cousin to add to the family, and no chance at seeing a little boys eyes light up in the toy store. All I have is a dull pain in my heart that just doesn't seem to want to go away. It just feels like as time passes instead of feeling better I just feel more and more jypped from the life I've been wanting for so long. I know there are people out there who have gone through far worse than us, have had a child pass away unexpectedly, have only held them in their arms for a few short seconds before they were "taken away" from them. These people seem to move on (or do they??) so why is it that I still find myself thinking of a "son" that was never really ours? I wonder, is it not really about him as much as it was about being a mom? Maybe I'm grieving what could have been? I don't know... but I hope some day I can finally move on and not have it keep popping up on me... when I should instead be thinking about what the preacher is saying!
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Decisions, Decisions
I know it's been a long time since I posted. I've written a few, but felt they were too personal to post. I've been in a slump again with depression, not severe or anything, but just feeling really sad that time is quickly passing us by with still no baby. It doesn't help that everyone around us is having babies.
I will be 30 this year. While I know this is not old (I'm not one to panic about turning 30) it does make me realise that my fertility years are now going to be on the decline. I had totally planned on having all my children by now and here I am not even close to having my first.
Because of this Jeff and I have been discussing IVF again. We are a little more financially secure now (it will still be tough but I think we could manage) and I also feel like we've had enough time to think and pray about it and know for sure that we agree with the ethics surrounding it. The main decision for us was that we be willing to accept that no matter how many eggs we have left we will give them all a chance. I mean it is quite likely it will not work at all... but there is also a chance that we could have lots of frozen embryos. I believe they are babies, not just a cluster of cells, and because of that we will not destroy them. We also do not feel comfortable putting them up for embryo adoption as I just can't imagine someone raising my child when we've been so desperate for children. So, that means that no matter how many children we end up with (remember the octo-mom?) we will choose to carry them and let the Lord decide. (EDIT: Should clarify... I don't mean we will put all the embryo's in at one time... I meant over the years we will give them all a chance! Sorry if I scared any of you! lol!)
And so, that means that at the moment it's really a matter of deciding when we will go ahead with the procedure. We were originally thinking next summer after we get back from our trip to Germany and Ireland (it's our 10th Anniversary!). Now, I'm just so anxious to get the process started that I'm wondering if we should pursue it right away. Another thing to think about is that we wanted to give the vitamins some time to work... it's been months since we got them but Jeff hasn't really stuck with it with Christmas and now with his back (he crushed a vertebrae). So, he needs to get back into taking them and seeing if they will make a difference. Really it will only take 3-4 months to know whether they are working because he will get another Semen Analysis done and we will see if it has improved.
So that is the jumble of thoughts in my head at the moment. Lots to think about and pray about. While the practical side of me says to wait until the summer of 2012 my biological clock is telling me sooner is better. I'm really tired of everyone else getting to experience pregnancy and Jeff and I sitting on the sidelines.
When we decide I'll be sure to let you all know. Please pray that we make the right decision!
I will be 30 this year. While I know this is not old (I'm not one to panic about turning 30) it does make me realise that my fertility years are now going to be on the decline. I had totally planned on having all my children by now and here I am not even close to having my first.
Because of this Jeff and I have been discussing IVF again. We are a little more financially secure now (it will still be tough but I think we could manage) and I also feel like we've had enough time to think and pray about it and know for sure that we agree with the ethics surrounding it. The main decision for us was that we be willing to accept that no matter how many eggs we have left we will give them all a chance. I mean it is quite likely it will not work at all... but there is also a chance that we could have lots of frozen embryos. I believe they are babies, not just a cluster of cells, and because of that we will not destroy them. We also do not feel comfortable putting them up for embryo adoption as I just can't imagine someone raising my child when we've been so desperate for children. So, that means that no matter how many children we end up with (remember the octo-mom?) we will choose to carry them and let the Lord decide. (EDIT: Should clarify... I don't mean we will put all the embryo's in at one time... I meant over the years we will give them all a chance! Sorry if I scared any of you! lol!)
And so, that means that at the moment it's really a matter of deciding when we will go ahead with the procedure. We were originally thinking next summer after we get back from our trip to Germany and Ireland (it's our 10th Anniversary!). Now, I'm just so anxious to get the process started that I'm wondering if we should pursue it right away. Another thing to think about is that we wanted to give the vitamins some time to work... it's been months since we got them but Jeff hasn't really stuck with it with Christmas and now with his back (he crushed a vertebrae). So, he needs to get back into taking them and seeing if they will make a difference. Really it will only take 3-4 months to know whether they are working because he will get another Semen Analysis done and we will see if it has improved.
So that is the jumble of thoughts in my head at the moment. Lots to think about and pray about. While the practical side of me says to wait until the summer of 2012 my biological clock is telling me sooner is better. I'm really tired of everyone else getting to experience pregnancy and Jeff and I sitting on the sidelines.
When we decide I'll be sure to let you all know. Please pray that we make the right decision!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
