Psalm 73 - A Psalm of the Infertile Woman

A few years ago I was praying through the Psalms and when I read Psalm 73 I felt compelled to "re-work" it to reflect my life. I quickly jotted it down and tucked it away.

I came upon it yesterday after unpacking a box and reflected back on how I was feeling at the time. Since then many things have changed in my heart. I feel I have finally come to a place where I have given over to God my "obsession" to have a child. My focus now is not on fulfilling my wants, but instead on fulfilling the need of a child for a mother. Even though I pray each day to feel a child in my womb, I am no longer consumed by it. I hope you enjoy the following Psalm...

Psalm 73
A Psalm of the Infertile Woman

Surely God is good to the infertile women,
to those who crave a child.

But as for me, my heart had almost lost hope;
I had nearly given up.
For I envied the pregnant
when I saw their rounded bellies.
They have children;
healthy and strong.
They are free from the torture of childlessness;
they are not plagued by desires of
motherhood.

Therefore pride of their children is shown on the walls
Their artwork displayed on the fridge
The stories of their children have no limit

They give advice and suggestions
and claim it will cure our problem.
Their mouths speak out words of emptiness
mixed with false hope.
Therefore, People believe them and forget that
GOD holds the hope.

This is what the mothers are like –
always carefree, they increase their family

Surely in vain have I dreamt of a child;
in vain have I prayed to conceive.
All day long I am plagued by my wants,
I am punished at the end of each month

If I had said all I felt
I would have ruined relationships
When I try to understand all this
it brings me down further
Till I pray to God and enter His presence
Then I understand their own struggles.

Surely they have their own issues
That may break them in an instant.
How suddenly their world could come crashing down
if something were to happen.

As in a dream I awake and realise
we all have problems.

When my heart was grieving;
A child never there;
My spirit became embittered by it.
I was not thinking and was ignorant
of you and your love for me.

Yet I know you are always with me;
You hold me in your arms.
You guide me with your Spirit
And when all is said and done
I will meet you in heaven

Who do I need more, but you?
No child could ever give me what you can.

My quest for a baby may fail
But God is the strength of my heart
And all I need forever.