I've been re-reading my old blog entries tonight and I am both encouraged and saddened by them.
First, reading everyone's encouraging words and sensing their love for us has made me realise how blessed we really are. We have amazing family and friends. I can't thank you enough for supporting us.
But mostly tonight I am saddened. As I read old posts I realised just how long we have been trying. I realise the kind of roller coaster we have been on. My oldest posts are all about hope, and then it turns to anger, then to extreme grief, and then nothing. That's what I feel like lately... nothing. Sure I still cry here and there, but for the most part I feel numb. I feel like I am just floating, like my feet aren't touching the ground. Its an odd feeling, to feel nothing.
Jeff and I have pretty much stopped TTC and to tell you the truth the break has been nice. For months now, when AF comes I am not depressed by it at all. I know when to expect her and I know (most months without a shadow of a doubt) that I am not pregnant.
But this month I've been feeling like I need to touch the ground again. I feel kind of lost... or something. I don't really know what it is. All I know is that I don't think it is good for me to be feeling nothing... to feel empty. Maybe that's what it is... emptiness. Hmm.. I may have to think on that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
From one friend to another I would like so many times on hear to tell you thinks that I think you need to hear, but that aren't necessarily what you want to hear. And it's so hard to not say anything mean or negative, without worrying about offending you or Jeff in anyway, so sometimes I guess it is best to say nothing at all. You are still in our prayers no matter what the future brings your way.
Hey, I have NO idea what the other comment means but I would like to tell you that I love you. And although I will never understand your pain, my heart breaks for you. I love you.
I agree with the mailman's wife about the other anonymous.
I hear you Shannon - it is really tough to go from disappoint but hope to nothingness. I've been there, I get it. Just know that you are loved and lifted in prayer.
Shannon, you are very much in my thoughts and prayers. Your heartfelt feelings are real and important. May you know perfect peace in all of this.
Enjoy and love one another with each day you have, and God will take care of the rest. Bre
Hi Shannon,
Just swinging by your blog for the first time in a while. Glad you had a good trip home, too bad I didn't see you, we were in St. John's all summer attending school.
I hope next time I visit this page you have received happy news, in some way or the other. I hope you hear back about your application soon. Whenever I think of IVF I think of John and Kate Plus 8, do you watch that show? If you don't you should! It comes on TLC and it is about a family who did IVF and ended up with 6 babies! Although I am not going to wish 6 babies on you at once, because I have one and I know how much work one is, can't imagine 6, I am wishing for one strong healthy baby for you in the future, or maybe 2, :).
You and Jeff are also in our thoughts all the time. I don't know what that other person wrote or why, but don't worry about it. I think you are a strong woman and jeff is a strong man. You are a blessed couple regardless! We are proud of you!
Post a Comment