IVF is out

We got a letter from the fund today that said we were approved for $3000.00. I am so disappointed. That leaves us trying to come up with $9500.00... and that just isn't possible right now. So, needless to say I am once again crushed. I just want something to work out... something that will move us along to finally being parents.

I did phone the doctors office to set up an appointment. I want to see if it is possible to use the grant money for treatment other then IVF... for example a round of injectables with IUI (which the $3000 would cover easily.. maybe even two rounds). When we were last there the doctor said this wasn't really an option for us because the percentage of success was low, but the way I figure it, IVF is out of the picture so it's worth a try right? Without the doctors recommendation though, I know we won't be able to use the money. So we will see.

Anyways, I may write more later... not really in the mood to write right now, but I wanted to let you all know.

Shannon

Prayers for Tuesday night please!!

This past weekend I wrote an e-mail to the "Generations of Hope" fund to see if they had even received our application. Since we sent it by mail, and we hadn't heard anything from them, I wanted to make sure that they had it. Well we got a response back today that they have received it and that it should make it on their agenda for tomorrow night!! We should hear back sometime either late this week or early next week. I'm so excited, even though it may come back saying we weren't approved, but at least then we will know and can plan our future accordingly.

Anyways, I just wanted to let you all know and ask that you pray tomorrow night that the right decision will be made (whether it's to approve it or not) and that we will be able to accept whatever outcome. I really feel that this will help give us some clarification on what God's will is in all of this. If it's approved then I know that we can move forward... if not I know God is stopping it for some reason or another.

Thanks in advance for your prayers and as soon as we hear I will let you all know!

Shannon

Midnight Ramblings...

I've been re-reading my old blog entries tonight and I am both encouraged and saddened by them.

First, reading everyone's encouraging words and sensing their love for us has made me realise how blessed we really are. We have amazing family and friends. I can't thank you enough for supporting us.

But mostly tonight I am saddened. As I read old posts I realised just how long we have been trying. I realise the kind of roller coaster we have been on. My oldest posts are all about hope, and then it turns to anger, then to extreme grief, and then nothing. That's what I feel like lately... nothing. Sure I still cry here and there, but for the most part I feel numb. I feel like I am just floating, like my feet aren't touching the ground. Its an odd feeling, to feel nothing.

Jeff and I have pretty much stopped TTC and to tell you the truth the break has been nice. For months now, when AF comes I am not depressed by it at all. I know when to expect her and I know (most months without a shadow of a doubt) that I am not pregnant.

But this month I've been feeling like I need to touch the ground again. I feel kind of lost... or something. I don't really know what it is. All I know is that I don't think it is good for me to be feeling nothing... to feel empty. Maybe that's what it is... emptiness. Hmm.. I may have to think on that.