Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
I am definitely a pessimist! Last night I was talking with Jeff about our application and that I'm not feeling very confident that we are going to get funding. Jeff on the other hand thinks we will.
For as long as I remember I have always been a pessimist. Really, I think being a pessimist is the best way. Its a win, win situation! For example, I believe we aren't going to get funding. If we do get it I will be surprised and will be ecstatic. If we don't I won't be too disappointed because I wasn't thinking we would anyway. If I were an optimist and we didn't get funding I would be heartbroken.
So I got thinking about all that and I wonder if God made me a pessimist because he knew I would be struggling with infertility. I think it would be very hard to be an optimist while going through this journey. On those rare months when I am optimistic I have the most heartbreaking let down. It's not worth it I don't think. I would much rather prepare my self for the worst and hope for the best.
So how about you? Do you see the glass as half full or half empty?
Shannon
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A place where I can share my thoughts and feelings on infertility, adoption and loss and all of its struggles and joys. As well as a place where I can find support and prayers from my family and friends.
About Me
- Shannon
- Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada
Our Journey So Far...
Jeff and I met in 1999 at Bible College in Winnipeg. We were married there in April 2002. We didn't start trying to have a baby until 2004. After a couple years of trying on our own we went to our Family Doctor to see what our problem was. After much testing it was discovered that we were dealing with male factor infertility. In November 2007 we were told we had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own and that IVF would be our only solution. We weren't able to afford IVF at the time and so did one round of IUI in April 2009 which was not successful. In the midst of this we decided that Adoption was something God was calling us to and we began looking into what that would be like. in July 2009 we met for the first time with our social worker and began our homestudy to be approved for adoption through social services. In May 2010 we decided we would pursue an adoption of a little boy in Zimbabwe. This eventually fell through due to complications with immigration. While this was going on however we were also hopeful about adopting another little boy from Alberta. In August 2010 we received word that we had been chosen as the adoptive parents. We were ecstatic! In September however, a couple weeks before we were to get him the adoption fell through leaving us heartbroken. Because of this adoption heartbreak, in February 2011 we decided we would pursue IVF again. In June 2012 we traveled to Vancouver for our first (and probably last) IVF treatment. We were able to transfer two day 3 embryos and freeze five day 5 blastocysts. On June 26th for the first time in 8 years of TTC I saw my first positive pregnancy test! We were so happy! Unfortunately a couple weeks later on July 12th we miscarried our precious little ones whom we named Esme (meaning Loved) and Zane (meaning God is Gracious). We were heartbroken but thankful that God saw fit to bless us with their lives even for a few short weeks. In October 2012 we traveled to Vancouver again for a FET. We transferred one sweet little Blast and were blessed to find out we had conceived again. All too soon though little Gabriel (meaning God is my Strength) went to be with Jesus and his Brothers and Sisters on November 15th. We miss our children and look forward to the day that we are reunited with them in Heaven.
And the journey continues...
And the journey continues...
List Of Abbreviations
BFP - Big Fat Positive
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
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4 comments:
I like to refer to myself as a "half-a-glass" person - in other words, a realist who looks at things from all angles. Pessimism is just too depressing, and optimism has a slight annoyance factor to it. (I can't be a "cheerleader" like most optimists I know) I tend to take a "wait and see what happens" attitude to most situations, that way I don't get my hopes too far up, but I'm not dragging myself down (along with everyone around me) in the mean time.
Hey Shannon,
I love you...No other comments really. Just glad you posted.
Who drinks out of a glass anyways? My motto "Drink straight from the carton!!!" LOL
I Shannon am much like you, I have a tendency towards pessimism, though I try to live with faith...which I would not really think of as optimism because though God's will is always best...I don't necessarily think that God's will will always be what I "want"... does that make sense?
So, I tend to be pessimistic, though I trust that God's will is best even when it is not exactly as I "want". And even in that statement, I think I sound sorta pessimistic! LOL
I have no trouble at all with optimism about your life though!!! LOL Praying for you and love you lots!
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