We've made it through the last few days and it has become a little easier... although it hasn't really sunk in yet. I never realised how many times a day I would think about being pregnant... until now when I have to tell myself to let it go. And its the simplest things, like taking Advil and thinking, "when I get pregnant I will need to get Tylenol" (Tylenol is safer then Advil when pregnant). Or talking to someone about babies and refraining from saying "When I'm pregnant".

Something else that has been hard is the realizations of what we are going to miss out on. I was looking at pictures of a friend of mine with her daughter and thinking how much they look alike when I realised that we won't get to see if our child will have red hair or blond, fair skin or tan. There won't be any mini-me's running around. And until you have that dream taken away you don't realise how much that actually matters.

So what is our plan? Jeff and I have decided to look into adoption and will be pursuing that right away (as soon as I figure out how!). We figure that we will work towards this and if God closes the door we will know that it isn't for us. And the thought of adoption is exciting. I have always thought that it would be great to give a child a loving home. I just always thought we would have our own as well.

Supposedly Alberta has been trying for years to include Infertility treatments like IVF in the provincial health care plan. Maybe some day it will be included and we will be able to do IVF. And who knows, maybe we will get pregnant on our own... 1% is better then nothing! Although I am not holding on to this hope. I just can't go through the next 15 years thinking every month that I might be pregnant. 4 years is long enough.

I want to thank all of you for your support and prayers. Sometimes I feel like such a drama queen, but through it all you have loved us. Thank you so much!

Shannon