There has been a lot on my mind lately... I'll spare you the details. I was just wondering if I could ask a question of all the parents out there (and hopeful parents):
Why did you decide to have children?
Jeff and I have talked about this a few times, and I never really know what the answer is. I mean do we want kids just because that's the next step in life? Do we want them because we need the love you get from a child? Or maybe we want them because we want to feel needed?
I've just been wondering.
Shannon
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A place where I can share my thoughts and feelings on infertility, adoption and loss and all of its struggles and joys. As well as a place where I can find support and prayers from my family and friends.
About Me
- Shannon
- Whitehorse, Yukon, Canada
Our Journey So Far...
Jeff and I met in 1999 at Bible College in Winnipeg. We were married there in April 2002. We didn't start trying to have a baby until 2004. After a couple years of trying on our own we went to our Family Doctor to see what our problem was. After much testing it was discovered that we were dealing with male factor infertility. In November 2007 we were told we had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own and that IVF would be our only solution. We weren't able to afford IVF at the time and so did one round of IUI in April 2009 which was not successful. In the midst of this we decided that Adoption was something God was calling us to and we began looking into what that would be like. in July 2009 we met for the first time with our social worker and began our homestudy to be approved for adoption through social services. In May 2010 we decided we would pursue an adoption of a little boy in Zimbabwe. This eventually fell through due to complications with immigration. While this was going on however we were also hopeful about adopting another little boy from Alberta. In August 2010 we received word that we had been chosen as the adoptive parents. We were ecstatic! In September however, a couple weeks before we were to get him the adoption fell through leaving us heartbroken. Because of this adoption heartbreak, in February 2011 we decided we would pursue IVF again. In June 2012 we traveled to Vancouver for our first (and probably last) IVF treatment. We were able to transfer two day 3 embryos and freeze five day 5 blastocysts. On June 26th for the first time in 8 years of TTC I saw my first positive pregnancy test! We were so happy! Unfortunately a couple weeks later on July 12th we miscarried our precious little ones whom we named Esme (meaning Loved) and Zane (meaning God is Gracious). We were heartbroken but thankful that God saw fit to bless us with their lives even for a few short weeks. In October 2012 we traveled to Vancouver again for a FET. We transferred one sweet little Blast and were blessed to find out we had conceived again. All too soon though little Gabriel (meaning God is my Strength) went to be with Jesus and his Brothers and Sisters on November 15th. We miss our children and look forward to the day that we are reunited with them in Heaven.
And the journey continues...
And the journey continues...
List Of Abbreviations
BFP - Big Fat Positive
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative
TTC - Trying To Concieve
AF - Aunt Flow (aka Period)
DPO - Days Past Ovulation
BD - Baby Dancing (aka Sex)
POAS - Pee On A Stick (Pregnancy or ovulation testing)
2WW - 2 Week Wait (From ovulation to expected period)
CD - Cycle Day
LP - Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and period)
LPD - Luteal Phase Defect
DH - Dear husband
SA - Semen Analysis
IVF - In Vitro Fertilization
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
OHSS - Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
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13 comments:
Hey Shannon,
Mike and I had this discussion before we had Megan and the best reason we could come up with was that a child, no matter how he/she comes along, is an expression of our love for God and mostly eachother. Hope that helps. Love you and hope to talk to you soon!
Lady.xox
I don't know. Sometimes it's the next step but I think that it takes away your choice to pick what you want for your life. It was a desire inside ourselves to have a baby. Not because anyone said we should (although we got that alot). I think in your position it would have to depend on what you want from ministry. Paul talks about staying family-less and so devoting everything to God. With a family your are divided between spending time with them and putting in that extra time for God. When it's right it just happens, and it's not a bad thing not to have children. Don't let people put pressure on you to choose something you aren't too sure about. Children are a lot to deal with. They bring much pleasure and fun to your lives. But there are diapers, potty training, diffiance, tantrums. Do you want to deal with that? Or would you rather just spoil someone else's child that you can give back when they are at their worst? What is in your heart? What is most important to you? Does it work with what ministry you want to have? Those are the things that we thought about when we were thinking of having Abby. For us is wasn't a hard decision. Having a baby was what we wanted and felt that it was a good time to start. For us personally. No one made the decision for us. It all went quite smoothly. So we know that it was in our life plan. I don't know if anything I have said helps but regardless, you and Jeff are wonderful people. No matter what you decide to do God will bless you.
Thanks for the responses ladies! Anyone else?
We needed help with the laundry.
lol! Great reason!
Hi, you don't know me but I linked to your blog through Christina Bulgin's. I've been lurking here for a while, and praying for you in your journey through infertility.
When my husband and I got married I honestly couldn't say that I wanted to have children. We were married for 5 years before we even began to talk seriously about it. I was the youth pastor at our corps so I had my fill of children (a former DY once called our work the best form of birth control around!).
However as I got older I knew it was something that I wanted. I really believed that it was something God was calling us to do. We had a strong, committed marriage and a good home. I worked every day with so many children who seemed unwanted and unloved. We wanted to bring a much-wanted and much-loved child in the world.
Our daughter, Darcy, was born 3 years ago. She has been the absolute joy of our lives. That being said, I'm glad we have 5 years together as husband and wife before bringing her into the world. I wouldn't change a thing that way. Today is my last day as the Youth Pastor as I'm starting my maternity leave for baby #2.
Continue to pray about your desires and seek God's direction. I believe your journey has been a difficult one, filled with many questions and struggles. I will continue to pray that God will reveal His plans for this area of your lives to you.
I hope you don't mind this lengthy answer from a complete stranger!
Not at all!! Thanks for the words of wisdom Sue. Thanks as well for praying for a complete stranger!
Feel free to comment at any time! And that goes to anyone else who may be lurking! I'm just glad that there are people out there praying for us.
Shannon
I can't answer your question directly, because I don't have any children. However, my husband and I are currently at the "should we/shouldn't we try" stage. And I'm asking myself the same question: why do I want to have children? Like Sue, I was never really sure I wanted to have children, but lately I've been giving it serious consideration. And I have to ask myself, why? The big danger I personally want to avoid, is making sure I'm making the decision based on my own desires and God's will; not just to please those pesky relatives who constantly hound me with the "when are you starting your family???" questions!!
So, needless to say, I'm reading the comments here with just as much interest as you, Shannon!
It is confusing isn't it! I have always wanted children and not ever having any scares me, but at the same time... why do I want to put myself through the stress of kids!! As great as they are (and I know any mom here would agree) they are a lot of work. But if billions continue to have kids then there has to be some reason for it (I know the obvious ones!) I don't think I will ever NOT want kids...I just wonder why I do want them. Make sense?
Shannon
Ps. The best part of having infertility problems and everyone knowing about it is that no one asks me anymore when we are going to start! It's great! No hounding relatives!
I guess I should give you a serious answer too (besides, they're the reason we have so much laundry in the first place). We decided to have children because we wanted someone to share our love and life with (as corny as that might sound). We took a while at first, thinking the time wasn't exactly right- we still had student loans, didn't own our a house, etc. But then we figured that emotionally we were ready and everything else didn't need to be perfect- some people put it off far too long. We realized that there were always going to things we'd strive for, as a family, but we felt confident we weren't bringing the child into a situation where she'd be neglected or cared for adequately. I hope that helps.
We didn't plan on having either of our kids. You kidding me, to plan two boys within 13 months of each other and only 20?!
We have been blessed so much over these past ten years. Was it easy, not at all. Is it now, nope. Has it been worth it, absolutely. The odd thing I guess is that as we break the 30 barrier we wonder if we should have more. Now that we have the opportunity to choose to have more kids, I am more hesitant. I love kids. I would love to have more kids, but realistically speaking, not to mention financially, I don't think having another child would be best for us. I have asked myself often, do I want, and my first reaction is yes I want another. But would it be responsible? I don't think so. Hey, lets not forget the fact the when we are 40 the kids will be in college and Chris and I can date finally!
The Lord can do great and mighty things. Just look at what He created for your nephews. Anyway, enough of my late night ramblings.
~2q
Hi Shannon,
Dave & I always had a desire for children. My sister on the other hand, has never had a desire for children. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise as it turned out that she had was unable to have them.
I believe that God plants the desire for children in our hearts.... no one in their right mind would sign up for the sleepless nights and the need for a lack of selfishness that good parenting requires! ;)
Hi Shannon,
Jason and I didn't really decide whether to have kids or not. Our girls just happened and we chalked it up as they were meant to be in our lives. This is a really tough post to respond to as we made the choice 6 years ago NOT to have anymore children. I look back on it now as the biggest mistake I ever made.
However, I feel that if God gives you the opportunity and gift of children you should take it and run. Let's face it not everyone is meant to be a parent. I strongly believe that with time God will show you what is right. There are so many ways in our modern society to be blessed with a child whether it be naturely, threw fertility treatment, IVF, surrogacy, adoption or foster parents. We are truly a blessed society to be able to have so many options to have little ones in our lives.
As you know I'm awaiting an appointment with the fertility program in Calgary to find out the procedures for surrogacy threw IVF, so please keep us in your prayers that if it is the Lord's will I may be able to help out the couple from BC.
Talk to you soon, and remember there is always a ray of hope in the midst of a storm.
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