Today is the day... it would have been your due date. I've been dreading this day for many months wondering how I would get through it without you. I miss you. I know that I only "knew" you for a short while but in just a few short weeks you were able to wind yourselves around my heart and I loved you. I wanted you. I prayed for many years to have the chance to carry you and God blessed us with you! I just wish that it could have been for longer.
While my heart may ache to have you here on this earth I am also overjoyed that you are where you belong. I wonder some days what you are like there. What body do you have... that of a child... an adult? Do you know me? Do you look down and remember me? I know this side of heaven I will never have those answers but I am comforted by knowing that no matter what, you are safe, happy and living in the most beautiful place imaginable. I am happy for you!
I will be honest and say that I am sad that I never got to meet the two of you. I was looking forward to the day that I would get to hold you and kiss you and be your everything. I look around at my life and there is a hole where you both should have been. You were suppose to be here. I was suppose to be either uncomfortably pregnant or horribly sleep deprived by now. But neither of those are true... instead I have this empty spot in my heart and in my home.
Please don't worry about me though. God has been good! I'm sure you know that. At my darkest time he has held me. When my faith was shaken and doubts came He stood strong for me and pulled me through. I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for Him. I may not understand why you were not meant to walk on this earth but I trust in his plan and in his goodness.
I pray that you know how much I love you both! You changed my life... you made me a Mom! I will always miss you, always grieve what we lost when you left but we will make it through. And someday we will get to meet! I look forward to that day! And until then I will hold you in my heart and love you at a distance.
Love you forever,
Mom
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