Memorial Necklace

This is the memorial necklace that I had made to remember my precious little ones.  If I ever miscarry again I can add an EDD (Estimated Due Date) birthstone to the necklace.  I pray of course that there will only ever be these two on here, but we never know our future.  Proverbs 3:5-6 is my favorite bible verse and has been since I was a teenager.  It has helped me through so many tough times, especially in my IF journey.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6

Sorrow

I would have been twelve weeks today.  This week would have been an exciting and relief filled one as I entered into the second trimester.   It is this week that I probably would have relaxed a little more and felt a little more sure that there were healthy babies growing in my belly. But, instead of relief I'm feeling much sorrow at the fact that my babies are gone. 

I'm at our leadership camp this week and seeing many of my colleagues with their young children has been incredibly hard.  Seeing, especially, how much their children look like them opens wider the wound on my heart.  It's been many years since I've felt this kind of pain when looking at others children.  The beauty of long term infertility is that, with God's strength, you learn to cope and be happy when you see things that would normally hurt.  I guess the miscarriage has added a new level to my pain and so I find that I am having to learn how to adjust again.  

I am so thankful to the Lord to know that no  matter how much my heart aches right now I can lean on His arms and trust Him to hold me up.  I'm also thankful for Jeff.  He's Been good these last few days at asking how I'm doing and just listening to my thoughts rather than doing the typical guy thing of trying to "fix things".  

I know that this pain too shall pass and I know that I will come out the other side a stronger person, but I admit that while I'm in it it is hard to not just wallow in my pain and pity for myself.  I would love your prayers as always.