October 21st - A Date we will Always Remember

I've been finding it hard to concentrate... there is a huge lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach as I try to forget what today is...

October 21st is not only our little boys 2nd birthday, but he is also going to his adoptive home today. As happy as I am that he is starting his life with his forever family and especially on his birthday (what a great gift for him and story for the future) I just can't stop thinking that Jeff and I were suppose to be sharing in this day. If he were here with us today we would have been celebrating with him his 2nd birthday. We would get to give him a big hug, see him blow out his 2 candles and watch his eyes light up when we gave him his gifts. I had dreamed about this day... and spending it working was not what I had dreamed of.

Part of me is glad that this day is here though... I am praying that now I can really begin to heal. This date has been looming in my mind and once its over I pray that I can finally start to move on and realise that obviously he was not meant to be ours....he was meant to be theirs. :o(

You know the adoptive parents will probably never know about us and how close we were to getting him. They will never know that in the north a family grieves on the day they rejoice. They won't know that he was first loved by us and that he will always be "ours".

What I am sure they DO know however is that they finally have the child they prayed for and will love for the rest of their lives. They know that God has truly blessed them with an amazing, beautiful little boy. And I pray that as these days progress and they begin to mold together as a family they will always appreciate the gift they have been given and never take it for granted.

Today though is not just the day we grieve... it is also the day the foster family grieves. I can't imagine the turmoil that they are going through. To have such conflicting emotions... sad that he is leaving, happy that he is going to a great home. Joanna, I'm not sure if you read my blog, but I want to let you know that we are praying for you and your family and we will forever be grateful to you for journeying with us and fighting for us. We may not have got the ending we wished for, but at least we got to know each other. :o)

To my little boy... We will always love you.