This has nothing to do with infertility... but I miss my puppy! I just dropped him off at my friend Dawns house. We are going to be in Calgary all this week at a conference and it didn't seem fair to have him in his kennel all day and night (6:30am - 8:00pm). This is the first time I've been away from him since we got him in November. I really hope that he doesn't terrorise them all week!!
Seriously, I am really going to find this week hard. I know some of you are thinking... "its just a dog"... and I wish I could think that way, but he really has become my baby. You have no idea what that puppy has done for me during these last few months. We got him just after finding out about our 1% chance of ever having children (without IVF) and I think it is because of him that I didn't have a complete breakdown. Having to look after him and "baby" him has helped fulfil that motherly side of me. And of course bringing him everywhere with me and having people tell me how cute he is!
Well, I will probably regret writing this in the morning when I realise just how lame all of this is... but oh well. I miss my puppy... that's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Shannon
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
To fund or not to fund? That is the question.
We had our doctor's appointment today. It went well. Not a whole lot accomplished, but I wasn't really expecting it to. We did receive an application to apply to "Generations Of Hope", an organization that helps fund couples for IVF. The fact that the doctor gave us the application is a good indication that we might get approved, but you never know. So for now we are going to fill out the forms, send them off and see what they say. I really hope that we get full funding rather then partial.
I had mixed emotions this morning after the appointment. Part of me is so angry and frustrated that we have to even see a fertility specialist, and the other part of me is excited about the possibility of IVF. Not the actual procedure but the fact that we might actually get pregnant this year. I haven't had hope like that for a long time. It feels good to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel when we were in darkness for so long.
Off the topic of infertility, I went to the emergency room this afternoon, after my fertility doctor suggested it, to check out a blood shot eye. Turns out I have a contagious infection that I received when looking after a friends day home children for a morning last Thursday. No good deed goes unpunished right? lol! So, along with a horrible cold I have been fighting since Saturday (which I also caught from the kids), I have not been to work this week and looks like until my eye clears up I won't be back there for a couple more days yet. Staying home was fun for the first day... now I'm just bored!
Well, I believe that is all for now. Keep praying... especially for guidance as we decide what path God has choosen for us.
Shannon
I had mixed emotions this morning after the appointment. Part of me is so angry and frustrated that we have to even see a fertility specialist, and the other part of me is excited about the possibility of IVF. Not the actual procedure but the fact that we might actually get pregnant this year. I haven't had hope like that for a long time. It feels good to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel when we were in darkness for so long.
Off the topic of infertility, I went to the emergency room this afternoon, after my fertility doctor suggested it, to check out a blood shot eye. Turns out I have a contagious infection that I received when looking after a friends day home children for a morning last Thursday. No good deed goes unpunished right? lol! So, along with a horrible cold I have been fighting since Saturday (which I also caught from the kids), I have not been to work this week and looks like until my eye clears up I won't be back there for a couple more days yet. Staying home was fun for the first day... now I'm just bored!
Well, I believe that is all for now. Keep praying... especially for guidance as we decide what path God has choosen for us.
Shannon
Saturday, April 5, 2008
I would die for that... or would I?
The last several weeks I have been listening non-stop to my favorite infertility song by Kellie Coffey. I posted the you-tube video on here a while back but I thought I would just give you the post to her music. http://www.kelliecoffey.com/Music.asp. I like the video, but I find that it distracts me from the words of the song. Listen to it if you have a moment.
The songs main point is that she would die to have the family that everyone else has. She would do anything to have the chance to hear a child call her mom. I've been thinking about that statement "I would die for that", and I wonder, would I? Would I do ANYTHING to have a child? I don't think I would.
I heard a couple months ago about a couple who had been trying for years (12) to have a child and she finally got pregnant. About 6 months into the pregnancy her husband died of a massive heart attack. I thought how horrible... to finally get your "gift" but to not be able to enjoy it. And I know God doesn't work this way, but I thought what if God had said its either a baby or your husband... you choose! I phoned Jeff after I heard the story, with tears in my eyes, and told him no baby was ever worth him and our marriage. I would never sacrifice our lives together to have a child. It isn't worth it to me.
There was a show on TV once about a women who had told her husband that her parents would pay for a round of IVF ($10,000) so they did the procedure (it didn't work) only to find out after that she had actually applied for several credit cards behind his back and had charged the cost of the procedure to the cards, sending them into more debt (they had already spent about $20,000 on IVF cycles before). I can't imagine doing something like that. To want a child so bad that you put your future in jeopardy? I would never think of doing something like that.
Saying that, I will go as far as God allows to bring this dream of ours to reality. Any door he opens I will go through, and any door he closes I will accept. The song says "and I won't understand it, if its not meant to be." That's true, I won't understand it... I won't understand why God has given me a heart that aches for a child and then not give me the child to love... but who am I? I can't see the big picture. I don't know what the future holds, only He does.
So would I die to have what so many of my friends and family have? Would I die to hold a baby in my arms, and not have to pass it back to it's mother? Would I die to hear the words "I love you mom"? The answer is no... I wouldn't... but I would still love to experience it all and will continue on this journey until I feel I need to stop.
The songs main point is that she would die to have the family that everyone else has. She would do anything to have the chance to hear a child call her mom. I've been thinking about that statement "I would die for that", and I wonder, would I? Would I do ANYTHING to have a child? I don't think I would.
I heard a couple months ago about a couple who had been trying for years (12) to have a child and she finally got pregnant. About 6 months into the pregnancy her husband died of a massive heart attack. I thought how horrible... to finally get your "gift" but to not be able to enjoy it. And I know God doesn't work this way, but I thought what if God had said its either a baby or your husband... you choose! I phoned Jeff after I heard the story, with tears in my eyes, and told him no baby was ever worth him and our marriage. I would never sacrifice our lives together to have a child. It isn't worth it to me.
There was a show on TV once about a women who had told her husband that her parents would pay for a round of IVF ($10,000) so they did the procedure (it didn't work) only to find out after that she had actually applied for several credit cards behind his back and had charged the cost of the procedure to the cards, sending them into more debt (they had already spent about $20,000 on IVF cycles before). I can't imagine doing something like that. To want a child so bad that you put your future in jeopardy? I would never think of doing something like that.
Saying that, I will go as far as God allows to bring this dream of ours to reality. Any door he opens I will go through, and any door he closes I will accept. The song says "and I won't understand it, if its not meant to be." That's true, I won't understand it... I won't understand why God has given me a heart that aches for a child and then not give me the child to love... but who am I? I can't see the big picture. I don't know what the future holds, only He does.
So would I die to have what so many of my friends and family have? Would I die to hold a baby in my arms, and not have to pass it back to it's mother? Would I die to hear the words "I love you mom"? The answer is no... I wouldn't... but I would still love to experience it all and will continue on this journey until I feel I need to stop.
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