October 21st - A Date we will Always Remember

I've been finding it hard to concentrate... there is a huge lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach as I try to forget what today is...

October 21st is not only our little boys 2nd birthday, but he is also going to his adoptive home today. As happy as I am that he is starting his life with his forever family and especially on his birthday (what a great gift for him and story for the future) I just can't stop thinking that Jeff and I were suppose to be sharing in this day. If he were here with us today we would have been celebrating with him his 2nd birthday. We would get to give him a big hug, see him blow out his 2 candles and watch his eyes light up when we gave him his gifts. I had dreamed about this day... and spending it working was not what I had dreamed of.

Part of me is glad that this day is here though... I am praying that now I can really begin to heal. This date has been looming in my mind and once its over I pray that I can finally start to move on and realise that obviously he was not meant to be ours....he was meant to be theirs. :o(

You know the adoptive parents will probably never know about us and how close we were to getting him. They will never know that in the north a family grieves on the day they rejoice. They won't know that he was first loved by us and that he will always be "ours".

What I am sure they DO know however is that they finally have the child they prayed for and will love for the rest of their lives. They know that God has truly blessed them with an amazing, beautiful little boy. And I pray that as these days progress and they begin to mold together as a family they will always appreciate the gift they have been given and never take it for granted.

Today though is not just the day we grieve... it is also the day the foster family grieves. I can't imagine the turmoil that they are going through. To have such conflicting emotions... sad that he is leaving, happy that he is going to a great home. Joanna, I'm not sure if you read my blog, but I want to let you know that we are praying for you and your family and we will forever be grateful to you for journeying with us and fighting for us. We may not have got the ending we wished for, but at least we got to know each other. :o)

To my little boy... We will always love you.

The Package Has Arrived!

We had a great time in Juneau... even though the weather didn't cooperate. I think the glacier was the best part... it's so beautiful and interesting. It was also cool seeing the salmon swimming upstream. I would recommend for people to visit there... well worth the time and money. I can only imagine what it would have been like if we had all sunny warm days!

When we got back from Juneau we got the package I was waiting for in the mail. We ordered lots of stuff that we are hoping will really increase our chances of getting pregnant. We got everything from early-pregnancy-tests.com. If you are TTC I HIGHLY recommend this site. The shipping is free over $15.00 (even to Canada) and its fast... well it is when it doesn't have to come to the North! As well, the ovulation and pregnancy tests are a LOT cheaper then at the store.

So here's the list...

FertilAid for Men - "A fertility enhancing supplement designed specifically for trying-to-conceive men. Clinically demonstrated to increase sperm count and improve sperm quality and motility, FertilAid for Men contains a proprietary blend of key antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals – as well as the amino acid L-Carnitine."

CountBoost for Men - "CountBoost for Men is a companion product to FertilAid for Men designed specifically for men with a low sperm count. Doctor-designed CountBoost provides an additional dose of the specific vitamins, minerals, and amino acids that have been scientifically demonstrated to increase the total number of sperm a man produces."

MotilityBoost for Men - "MotilityBoost for Men is a companion product to FertilAid for Men designed specifically for men with low sperm motility. Doctor-designed MotilityBoost provides an additional dose of the specific vitamins, minerals, and amino acids that have been scientifically demonstrated to positively impact sperm motility"

FertilAid for Women - "formula of essential vitamins, minerals, and key antioxidants to promote hormonal balance, improve reproductive health, and increase your chances of conceiving."

FertileCM for Women - "designed to increase fertility by supporting the production of "fertile-quality" cervical mucus - and by promoting endometrial secretions that build the uterine lining for implantation of the fertilized egg. In addition, key ingredients in FertileCM have also been clinically demonstrated to support female arousal and sexual stimulation." - Kind of like that last point! lol!

We also ordered pre-seed and softcups... but I'll let you go to the link for a description since I'm sure not everyone would like to know! lol!
http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/softcup.html
http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/preseed-multi-use.html

As well we ordered a whole bunch of ovulation test strips since I will also be using my fertile-focus monitor (that I bought several years ago) which tells you if you are ovulating by looking at your saliva.
http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/saliva-ovulation-test.html

So there you have it... our arsenal of fertility boosting aids. We are really praying that these things will work. I've done TONS of research on them and the success stories are encouraging. As well, Jeff took FertilAid for Men a couple years ago and we saw within just a couple months a boost in his count and motility. So we are hoping it will happen again but even more so. Say a prayer for us! :o)