ITS LATE!!!

So it is 12:30 in the morning here and I am sick. I feel like I am going to puke! I took the first dose of clomid tonight and I am hoping that this is not related. I was so sure that I would not have any side effects... I always figure its mind over matter. Well tonight its head over toilet bowl.

I can't sleep because I keep running to the bathroom. I haven't thrown up yet which makes it even worse because if I did I would probably feel better. I don't think I will... It will just keep me on my toes all night (or knees).

Anyways... just thought I'd keep you posted! Lets hope this is just me being sick and that it doesn't have anything to do with the clomid. I don't want 5 more nights of this!

Good night... well I guess for you.

Shannon

Just Floating Around

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I feel like I am out of touch with everyone I know and love. I haven't been talking to anyone, I have stopped blogging everyday, I just feel like I am floating around in space and the days are just passing by. I think a lot of it is that I have a lot on my mind lately and it's all things that I can't really share with you all. It's just some personal things that I need to work out. So I apologise if I seem to be "strange" lately.

To let you all know, tomorrow I start the clomid, so I am excited about that. I really pray that this will be our month. I just can't imagine ever seeing a + sign on a test! It seems so unreachable to me. I believe when the day comes I won't know whether to cry, scream or laugh. I'll probably do all three!

I haven't been feeling well all day. My throat is swollen and its hard to swallow. I'm going to the drug store to get some Cold F-X tomorrow for Jeff. I REALLY don't want him to get sick. If he gets sick that could mean his sperm are no good for another 3 months. I would really like to know how anyone in the world actually gets pregnant. Its seems so difficult to me. To all of you with children, never think that the child in front of you isn't a miracle. It may have happened quickly for you, but that in and of itself is a miracle.

So hopefully I will be back to my normal self shortly. To all my friends and family who I have not called or talked to for a VERY long time, I'm really sorry! I will talk to you soon.

Shannon

Clomiphene Citrate Tablets it is then...

So Jeff and I met with the doctor today to discuss our options and to hear the results of my blood work from last month. Looks as if everything on my part is normal. I'm ovulating, my thyroid is great, I don't have a tumor at the base of my skull (didn't even know this was a possibility!!) and my uterus is a welcoming and friendly environment for the sperm! So all is good in that area.

So that really just leaves Jeff's sperm quality... which really isn't all that bad. So the doctor prescribed the above mentioned tablets otherwise known as clomid. I start taking it Monday for 5 days (Days 5-9 of your cycle). It stimulates your ovaries so that you produce two eggs rather then one. So twins here we come! The rate of twins is 1 in 10. So you just never know.

They will only do 6 months of clomid. If it doesn't work in that amount of time it won't ever work. If clomid doesn't work we are off to the city for treatments, but the doc said that there is a waiting list for people my age of at least a year. So that sucks. Plus, where as this medication only costs 50 dollars a month, anything after will likely cost up to $10,000 per month. Not a possibility at this point. We'd have to save for a few years to get that kind of money. So if anyone out there is rich... :)

So that's it. We will see on Monday if I have any side effects from the clomid. Some women can't tolerate it. Hopefully I'll be strong!

Shannon

Sorry!

I know, I know... its been days since my last post. And this one won't be too long either! I've been so busy that by the time night comes I'm too tired to think about posts...

I was just interrupted by a lady coming into the office wanting a bible. She saw them on the table through the window. Its 8:30pm here and we just finished our prayer meeting, so God really timed it well!

Anyways.... as I was saying, its been very busy. Mom and Dad arrived last night. We went to the zoo with the youth group today. Had a prayer meeting tonight. Are going to Calgary tomorrow for a meeting about emergency planning for the pandemic. I have rotary tomorrow night. Friday we have dentist appointments in the morning and the doctors appointment in the afternoon. And on Saturday we have a wedding shower to attend!! So as you can see... plenty to do.

So that's it at the moment. Someday soon I will get back into posting every day!

So I bid a good night to all my faithful readers!

Shannon

Home Alone

Jeff left today for Edmonton. He has a meeting at DHQ tomorrow morning so he left this afternoon and is staying at a hotel for the night. I hate when Jeff leaves town. I get so lonely! I guess that happens when you spend almost every minute of the day with someone! I mean we not only live together and sleep together, we work together as well. You'd think I'd like the break... but I don't.

I'm doing alright though. I rented a couple movies and bought a sub from Subway. That should keep my mind off him being gone!

In other news, my parents are going to be coming back with Jeff tomorrow. They are taking a bus from Grande Prairie to Edmonton tomorrow morning and then Jeff will bring them home. I'm excited about that. I love when my mom and dad come here. It makes it seem more homey for some reason. Probably because there is a home cooked meal on the table every day and my house is clean!

So that's about it. I'm going to go and watch some movies and eat a sub! Have a good night all (or day depending on when your reading this!)

Shannon

Jealousy

You know jealousy is not good... nor is it fun. Every time I see a pregnant women I envy her. I see the belly and I just wish that I could have that. I see a baby in a father's arms and I want so badly to see Jeff holding our child. But beyond even the longing to be like them... I'm mad at them too. I know that's crazy, but I hate that they have what I don't have. I feel like a child thats been told they can't have a candy but their best friend has one. Its like, how dare you have a child if I can't!

Now, before anyone gets freaked out, I love you all dearly. And all this is just irrational thoughts. I don't actually hate pregnant people or people with kids! But its hard to fight against that jealousy.

I figured out what my problem is though. I'm putting this child that I so badly want, before God. That's what jealousy is. Its wanting something more then you want the Lord. If I am to stop my jealousy I need to first walk closer with Christ. I need to be willing to sacrifice ever having children, for Him. I need to be willing to accept whatever decision He has made for me whether that mean a child, or no child. And that is hard for me. My whole life I have wanted a baby. I said as a teen that I only needed a husband to get a child! (that has changed now... no worries sweetie!) I am so caught up in what I want that I'm not being attentive to what Christ wants of me.

Now, I may have just wrote all that out... and in a fairy tale I would be cured and everything would be fine. But I have had these thoughts for a long time... and I still have lots of trouble taking my own advice.

I think we all at some point can let worldly things become more important then God. The goal is to break those habits and let God be in control of our lives. And we will see that when He is in control, our lives are much better off.

Shannon

Yum... Ribs!

I'm waiting for my ribs to cook... and I can't wait! So to help the time pass I thought I would blog!

Lets see... well first off, sorry about not posting yesterday. I had a horrible headache that sent me home in the afternoon to sleep. Sleeping and pills didn't really work so that sucked. I was afraid a cold was coming my way... but today things seem fine. Except for sneezing.

I called the Doctor's office today to see if my blood work was actually lost because tomorrow I could go and get the Day 21 test again. I found out that it is all there so I am very relieved. I guess next week at our Doctor's appointment I will finally find out if I am ovulating or not.

I saw my puppy today! She is so gorgeous!! And shes getting big... well as big as one can expect for a chihuahua puppy! The new owners brought her by the office. As soon as she heard my voice her little tail started to wag! It makes me wish I had her all the more. The good news is that our manager has another pregnant dog now, so more puppies will be arriving in April. They are all spoken for which is good cause I won't get attached, but I will get to spoil them like I did this one!

So that's about it. Jeff and I are staying home tonight and just chillin'. We need that!

Talk to you tomorrow... hopefully!

Shannon

Nothing Much

Happy Valentines Day to everyone! Jeff and I went out last night for supper and a movie. We saw "Because I Said So". It was good. Nothing extraordinary... but funny.

I don't have much to tell you today. I've been very tired. We went to Claresholm to check on the Thrift Store there and the whole way back I kept falling asleep. My hubby tells me I have carcalepsy, because I fall asleep as soon as I sit in a vehicle!

I bought yet another baby outfit at the Thrift Store today! This is getting addicting. By the time we do have kids I won't have to buy anything! I also bought a purse.

So that's about it for today. Nothing exciting at all. Sorry to bore you all.

Shannon

I hate doctors!!!

So I phoned for an appointment with my doctor to discuss what we need to do next. I can't get an appointment until next Friday, the 23rd! I'm so frustrated. She is never in her office. The receptionist was reading out her schedule and she is in Calgary doing courses and seminars like every day! This is like the 3rd time I have tried to set up appointments with her and it takes forever. ARGHHH!!

That's life I guess. The ladies on the forum I'm on say that it can take up to a year to actually get going on fertility treatments. Its like the doctors don't care that you've been waiting long enough. There is actually one lady who shared that her doctor told her "Whats one more month when you've been trying for 2 years!" Can you believe it! I think I would have lost my cool at that.

Well, that's my rant for this morning!

Shannon

What a weekend!

I had a pretty good weekend. First off, I'm not sure if i did ovulate last week... my temperatures are all over the place... so there is still a little chance for this month. That's good because it gives me hope. Its amazing how much my mood changes when I know that there is hope and something to look forward to.

Second, on Sunday I shared with the congregation our struggles with infertility. I preached on Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path." It is my favorite Bible Verse and it has gotten me through a lot in my life so far. I shared with them that sometimes we don't understand why God is doing something (or not doing something!), but we need to lean on him and trust that he knows whats best for us. Of course as soon as I shared about our struggles I started crying, and from there the whole sermon kind of flopped! Everyone was very supportive though. It felt good to share this with them. They are like our "family", each and every one of them, and its good to have support from "family".

So that was my weekend. We planned on going to Drumheller to see our friends who had a baby last week, but the weather here has been pretty horrible. It has snowed everyday, almost all day, for well over a week now. Its crazy! So we will head down there maybe next weekend.

So that's it right now. I hope you all had a good weekend. For those who are working this Monday morning... I feel for you! We have the day off today!! YAH!!! Love you all! :)

Shannon