I just got back from my test and it hurt like hell! It felt like I needed to pee and poop and had the worst possible menstrual cramps, all at the same time. It sucked!! But you will be happy to hear that the results came back normal. So that means there is no blockage in my tubes, and no signs of endometrioisis. And you'd think I'd be happy... and I am... kind of.
You see, I didn't know what I wanted to find out today. If it was something like endometriosis that would have been bad. If it was something like a blocked tube, that would have been kind of good, because its fixable and it would explain why we are still not pregnant.
Normal is not fixable. Something obviously is wrong, and not being able to diagnose it sucks. So I'm happy that things are okay... yet not. Sorry if that doesn't make sense to anyone.
I'm also not happy at my Doctor right now. Supposedly there was a computer failure at her office and they may or may not have lost my blood work from last month. This means that I will have to wait until next month to get them done again, and then wait another month to start any sort of treatment. We have to schedule an appointment with the doctor for next week to sit down and discuss options so we will see then if the computer ate my bloodwork!
So that's my day. Thank you everyone for praying.
Shannon
Friday, February 9, 2007
I'm a nervous wreck
So I go for my test today at 1:00. I wish women didn't have so many hormones. I'm just a wreck today. I've cried enough this morning to make up for a year! I think I am making too much of today, but I just can't seem to help it.
I took a pregnancy test today... and got a faint line. Like I needed that. And no worries to anyone getting excited... it was just an evaporation line.
I will post after my test to let you all know what happened. Please pray that things are okay. I think I will be much better after it is done.
Thanks everyone!
Shannon
I took a pregnancy test today... and got a faint line. Like I needed that. And no worries to anyone getting excited... it was just an evaporation line.
I will post after my test to let you all know what happened. Please pray that things are okay. I think I will be much better after it is done.
Thanks everyone!
Shannon
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Its a bad day... :(
I'm very depressed today. I figured it would happen with the test being tomorrow, but I was hoping that I would be able to ignore it. I've done a decent job of getting through it... but the moment I stop to think I feel like crying.
There are few reasons actually for the feelings. First, this test tomorrow is freaking me out more then I thought it would. Its not because of the test itself, the discomfort or pain, its because I could find out some horrible news tomorrow. This test will direct the future for us. If there is nothing wrong, great! If there is something wrong it could be countless surgeries and drugs and of course a huge load of money. (Fertility treatments can easily cost up to $20,000).
Another reason why I'm pretty bummed out right now is that Jeff is feeling a little sick. If he gets a cold or the flu, it can affect his already poor sperm quality. It would then take another 3 months for the sperm to regenerate. That's a long time!
Yet another reason is that I think I may be ovulating right now. This means that I will miss my chance this month. I was really hoping that I would ovulate late, like last month, but I have all the symptoms of ovulation today. If my egg has already released, tomorrow the dye will get rid of it.
So today just downright sucks. And to top it off I had to volunteer at "healthy moms healthy babies" today. I do the childcare for them twice a month. This morning there was a 9 month old there who was sick with a cold. What really gets to me is that his Mom smokes around them all the time. The poor kid can hardly breath as it is because of the smoke, never mind with a cold. So as I held him and rocked him to sleep I had to hold back tears once again as I thought of how unfair all of this is. In our line of work we see so many families that really don't deserve to have kids. Its hard not to want to take them and raise them as our own.
So that's it for today... sorry for being such a cry baby. There is a moment of joy coming to end my day with though.... Survivor starts tonight!! YAH!! So that will cheer me up!
Shannon
There are few reasons actually for the feelings. First, this test tomorrow is freaking me out more then I thought it would. Its not because of the test itself, the discomfort or pain, its because I could find out some horrible news tomorrow. This test will direct the future for us. If there is nothing wrong, great! If there is something wrong it could be countless surgeries and drugs and of course a huge load of money. (Fertility treatments can easily cost up to $20,000).
Another reason why I'm pretty bummed out right now is that Jeff is feeling a little sick. If he gets a cold or the flu, it can affect his already poor sperm quality. It would then take another 3 months for the sperm to regenerate. That's a long time!
Yet another reason is that I think I may be ovulating right now. This means that I will miss my chance this month. I was really hoping that I would ovulate late, like last month, but I have all the symptoms of ovulation today. If my egg has already released, tomorrow the dye will get rid of it.
So today just downright sucks. And to top it off I had to volunteer at "healthy moms healthy babies" today. I do the childcare for them twice a month. This morning there was a 9 month old there who was sick with a cold. What really gets to me is that his Mom smokes around them all the time. The poor kid can hardly breath as it is because of the smoke, never mind with a cold. So as I held him and rocked him to sleep I had to hold back tears once again as I thought of how unfair all of this is. In our line of work we see so many families that really don't deserve to have kids. Its hard not to want to take them and raise them as our own.
So that's it for today... sorry for being such a cry baby. There is a moment of joy coming to end my day with though.... Survivor starts tonight!! YAH!! So that will cheer me up!
Shannon
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
um.. goodnight brain
All I can think about is babies and being pregnant and it is driving me nuts! I haven't been this obsessed for a long, long time. I closed off much of my emotions a long time ago, mainly, I believe, to protect myself. I don't think I could cope with this type of emotional roller coaster every month. I'd go insane!
Everything I see, or do reminds me of being pregnant or having a child. Do you know how many times the commercial for home pregnancy tests comes on in one night? A lot! I walk by the spare room (Or as we call it.. the babies room) and I envision how I will set everything up. I sit in our living room and I imagine where I will put the toys, and the high chair. Literally, everything I do somehow makes me think of babies!!
Today was kind of stupid too because I was nauseous and having to go pee a lot, which of course are signs of pregnancy... which is impossible since I am way too early in my cycle for all that. But my brain just automatically thinks..."I must be pregnant!". This doesn't help because my exam is on Friday and if I am pregnant, the test will terminate it. So I think my worries about all of that is making my body play tricks on me. I shouldn't ovulate until after the test.
If someone knows a way to turn off your brain... please let me know!
Good night all!
Shannon
Everything I see, or do reminds me of being pregnant or having a child. Do you know how many times the commercial for home pregnancy tests comes on in one night? A lot! I walk by the spare room (Or as we call it.. the babies room) and I envision how I will set everything up. I sit in our living room and I imagine where I will put the toys, and the high chair. Literally, everything I do somehow makes me think of babies!!
Today was kind of stupid too because I was nauseous and having to go pee a lot, which of course are signs of pregnancy... which is impossible since I am way too early in my cycle for all that. But my brain just automatically thinks..."I must be pregnant!". This doesn't help because my exam is on Friday and if I am pregnant, the test will terminate it. So I think my worries about all of that is making my body play tricks on me. I shouldn't ovulate until after the test.
If someone knows a way to turn off your brain... please let me know!
Good night all!
Shannon
My Little Doggy
So this probably won't be the last time I post today... but I thought I should share with you a picture of my little puppy. Isn't it just the cutest thing! Now you know why I fell in love!
My doggy went to its new home on Sunday. Supposedly she is doing well there. I miss her tons.
Anyways, I'll probably write more later!
Shannon
Monday, February 5, 2007
A Pretty Good Day
Today has been another decently relaxing day. Mondays are usually our day off, and I only had to work this morning so far! So not bad!
I bought more baby clothes today. Nothing near as cute as that first outfit, but nice enough! I even got a boy one, just in case! ;-)
Last night I tried on some maternity clothes that I got from a friend of mine. That was a neat thing. Just to see a pretend belly. (Well, unfortunately I didn't have to "pretend" much!). There were some really nice shirts in there.
My Friend, Allison, had a baby boy yesterday. His name is Aaron Micah Downey. He was 9 lbs 3 oz! So a big one! Congrats guys!
I think that's about it. Sorry for all these boring posts lately! As Friday gets closer and closer I imagine that my posts will become a little more interesting as I fret about the test. So stay tuned!
Shannon
I bought more baby clothes today. Nothing near as cute as that first outfit, but nice enough! I even got a boy one, just in case! ;-)
Last night I tried on some maternity clothes that I got from a friend of mine. That was a neat thing. Just to see a pretend belly. (Well, unfortunately I didn't have to "pretend" much!). There were some really nice shirts in there.
My Friend, Allison, had a baby boy yesterday. His name is Aaron Micah Downey. He was 9 lbs 3 oz! So a big one! Congrats guys!
I think that's about it. Sorry for all these boring posts lately! As Friday gets closer and closer I imagine that my posts will become a little more interesting as I fret about the test. So stay tuned!
Shannon
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Oh No... I missed one!
I missed a post yesterday! The first one since I started this! Oh well, it was a pretty lazy day anyway.
Today has gone pretty well. There was a good turn out at church and I preached and didn't make too big of a flop! OH.. and I got to talk to my Mom today. So I was really happy about that. We also made plans for her to phone on Friday after my test so that I can let her know the details. So that helps relieve my mind. Also, Jeff and I watched a movie today, "A Good Woman". It was quite good.
That's about it! Its a boring day which is just fine with me! This week is budget week, so we will be very busy getting that together, so a day to relax is nice.
I hope you all have had a good day. I'll write tomorrow!
Shannon
Today has gone pretty well. There was a good turn out at church and I preached and didn't make too big of a flop! OH.. and I got to talk to my Mom today. So I was really happy about that. We also made plans for her to phone on Friday after my test so that I can let her know the details. So that helps relieve my mind. Also, Jeff and I watched a movie today, "A Good Woman". It was quite good.
That's about it! Its a boring day which is just fine with me! This week is budget week, so we will be very busy getting that together, so a day to relax is nice.
I hope you all have had a good day. I'll write tomorrow!
Shannon
Friday, February 2, 2007
Mom... where are you?
I love my mom and dad. They are wonderful parents and have always been great supporters of my calling, my decisions, and my life in general.
For those who don't know, my parents are working at oil camps in northern Alberta. My Mom is the second cook and my dad is the camp attendant. Sometimes they get to go to a camp that has cell phone access. Other times, like right now, they are so far out in the woods that there isn't a chance that a cell phone would work! I believe they are near the Yukon boarder actually.
I like to talk to my Mom (a lot) and especially in these past few years. You see, my mom had trouble getting pregnant as well. She was diagnosed with endometriosis. It took many years for her to get pregnant. And for all those years she went through the same heartbreaks that I have been going through.. seeing others having babies, seeing people who don't want to be pregnant having babies and having to put your life on hold as you spend time, emotions, and money on treatments.
My Mom is the only other person that I know personally that has gone through what I am going through. And not having her here to talk to has been a little difficult. Especially with us now going to doctors and having tests done. My biggest fear right now is that next week at my HSG Dye Test I will find out I have endometriosis and I won't be able to talk to her about it. I mean no offense to any of my family and friends reading this, you would all be very supportive, but my mom would truly understand.
So I am very sad that I cannot talk to her right now, but I am praying that the test will go fine and I won't need her shoulder to cry on. I am also hoping that she will be placed in a new and closer camp soon!
I love you Mom!
Shannon
For those who don't know, my parents are working at oil camps in northern Alberta. My Mom is the second cook and my dad is the camp attendant. Sometimes they get to go to a camp that has cell phone access. Other times, like right now, they are so far out in the woods that there isn't a chance that a cell phone would work! I believe they are near the Yukon boarder actually.
I like to talk to my Mom (a lot) and especially in these past few years. You see, my mom had trouble getting pregnant as well. She was diagnosed with endometriosis. It took many years for her to get pregnant. And for all those years she went through the same heartbreaks that I have been going through.. seeing others having babies, seeing people who don't want to be pregnant having babies and having to put your life on hold as you spend time, emotions, and money on treatments.
My Mom is the only other person that I know personally that has gone through what I am going through. And not having her here to talk to has been a little difficult. Especially with us now going to doctors and having tests done. My biggest fear right now is that next week at my HSG Dye Test I will find out I have endometriosis and I won't be able to talk to her about it. I mean no offense to any of my family and friends reading this, you would all be very supportive, but my mom would truly understand.
So I am very sad that I cannot talk to her right now, but I am praying that the test will go fine and I won't need her shoulder to cry on. I am also hoping that she will be placed in a new and closer camp soon!
I love you Mom!
Shannon
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Age...
I'm 25 years old. Now I know that I am not old, but each year that passes by I get a little more tense about this baby thing. Not because I feel I will be too old to have kids, but that I will be too old when they move out!! Don't laugh! I always dreamed of having kids young so that by the time they are off to college, I would only be in my early 40's. That would be awesome! I mean there are some women who are only just starting their families at 40!
I know that this is all very silly, but I really do hate that the months pass by and that even if I get pregnant now and everything went as planned (I want to have 3 kids... well right now I want three... ask me again after the first!), I will be 30 by the time I have my last. That means I will be almost 50 before they leave the house! Not bad, but still 40 would be much better!
So, most of you are probably laughing at me right now, and rightly so! I'm laughing at the stupidity of it to! But come on... wouldn't you love to be young(er) when the kids left the nest?
Shannon :)
I know that this is all very silly, but I really do hate that the months pass by and that even if I get pregnant now and everything went as planned (I want to have 3 kids... well right now I want three... ask me again after the first!), I will be 30 by the time I have my last. That means I will be almost 50 before they leave the house! Not bad, but still 40 would be much better!
So, most of you are probably laughing at me right now, and rightly so! I'm laughing at the stupidity of it to! But come on... wouldn't you love to be young(er) when the kids left the nest?
Shannon :)
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